Lucy glanced at her friend. The Duchess looked content, and perhaps a little relieved, seeing her and her daughter play. She remembered Victoria mentioning the toll of being pregnant and taking care of a child. She had enough energy to care for little Melody if need be.
The morning room at Hawksford House had begun feeling like a second home. Victoria and Melody never failed to make her feel at home. As for Richard, he was utterly devoted to his family and never made her feel unwelcome. And for that, she was grateful.
Sometimes, the place felt like a nice reprieve from Joshua. Not that he had ever been needlessly cruel. He was just suffocating.
Richard was reading theGazette, but his eyes kept wandering toward his wife. There was so much fondness and protectivenessthere that Lucy’s chest ached with a need she had never known she had.
“Melody is a delight,” she murmured, her heart filled with a mix of pride, envy, and happiness for her friend.
“Horse. We go horse, Lucy,” Melody insisted, jumping up and down.
“She also takes after you, Victoria.”
“Of course. My daughter knows exactly what she needs to do and what she needs to become,” Victoria declared, tilting her chin up in pride.
“A-are y-you deciding everything for her?” Lucy asked.
“Oh, no. Not like that, Lucy. You look horrified. What I meant was that she is a wise little girl for choosing to be like her mother,” Victoria explained.
For the rest of the afternoon, Lucy played with Melody with a hunger that she could not explain. She realized that because of the life she had chosen, she would never have a daughter. Or a son.
Even that little trip to Valentine St. Clair was not meant to let her experience everything. After all, having a child out of wedlock was akin to a death sentence for an unmarried mother, and hell for the bastard child.
She would never do such a thing to her own child. Never.
As she followed Melody to the corner of the room, where her toys were scattered on the floor, she spotted Richard tucking a stray lock of blonde hair behind Victoria’s ear.
At that moment, she could no longer deny that she wanted it, too. Marriage. A husband. Children.
It was no longer just about escaping Joshua’s stifling control. While she enjoyed visiting her friends, she didn’t want to be simply a guest. She wanted to be a hostess, the mistress of a house whose master looked at her as if she were the center of his world and not the hindrance to his plans.
Stolen kisses and secret trysts would never fill the void in her heart.
It was another night for a secret tryst. One could say that Lucy Coulson was on her way to becoming utterly witless, because why else would she be slipping out that same exit to run toward the greenhouse on a moonlit night?
It was chilly. The best thing to do would have been to remain under the blankets. But she still made it to the greenhouse.
It was just like last time. Daniel’s silhouette was easy to identify, even with only the faint silvery light to guide her.
“You should not have come,” he said, the words sounding like an admonition, and yet his voice was soft. “Your brother might catch us this time. Sometimes, I think he has a sixth sense, and that he’d wake up knowing you left the house.”
“Yet you’re here,” she said dryly, her heart fluttering.
Lucy knew that tonight was different. It might change the course of her life. This meeting was not only about physical pleasure or intellectual satisfaction. Her emotions were at stake.
“Joshua should be sound asleep. He has been out all day, meeting some business associates. At least, that was what I understood,” she explained. “And you know, I had to come. I needed to.”
“You needed to?” he echoed, sounding confused. A muscle ticked in his temple.
It was strange that she had become more aware of his emotions, but also did not understand anything at all.
“Yes. I wanted to tell you what I realized today,” she said tentatively, drawing out each word.
His eyes flashed, and she wondered if he knew what she was about to say.
“About what happened in Suffolk?” Then he paused. He turned around and threaded his fingers through his hair in frustration.She wanted to rub his back, but she didn’t. “I—I am so sorry. My mind has been so preoccupied by w-what I was trying to investigate that…”
“You thought it was about that?” Lucy asked, her heart aching for him. But it also ached for her. His mind was not on her at all, but on whatever it was that had consumed his life. “No, it was not about that at all, but I guess you’ve also realized that. I spent the afternoon with Victoria, Richard, and Melody. I saw how happy they were. Richard looks at her as if—as if she is the only thing that can ever make him happy. I want that, too. I want to get married and have children of my own. That way, I will have some agency in my life. I will no longer be a ghost or a bird in a cage.”
