“I was talking about Elodie. You’re in love.”
“It’s too soon.” I’m head over boots for her. Wound so tight that I’m afraid to see my water bill after jacking off to her moans and tight nipples against my palms. I can’t quit thinking about her and doing everything to make her happy. So, yeah. Maybe I’m boarding the love train. “You don’t think I have it in me?”
“I wondered.”
“What about you? It’s not like you’ve had a relationship last longer than a pair of socks.”
“You gotta specify what type of socks. They aren’t made like they used to be.” He shakes his head. “I know you have it in you, but you never let anyone in except for me and Myles. And Mae.”
“One, I haven’t found anyone before who hooked me like Elodie. And two, just because I don’t take Dad’s calls or write back to him doesn’t mean I’m broken. Doesn’t mean you are either. Mom didn’t love us, and it’s not our fault. You can put yourself out there for someone who has their shit together instead of people who are proven to let you down.”
He scoffs. “I know.”
“Do you?” When he started down this path, I thought he was talking about me. Is he afraid his issue is that he hasn’t found anyone, or that he has and passed them by?
“Yes. I also think Mom loved us in her fucked-up way. She kept it together until I turned eighteen.”
Then he went from a surrogate parent to a father figure I didn’t listen to. He’s been putting himself in that responsible role ever since and using it to buffer himself from life. “You’ll find someone. You just haven’t met her yet.”
He scoffs. “Sure.”
“Nope. I can see it. She’s going to be the one who’ll give you blue balls and you’ll deal with it for weeks or months or years because you know she’s going to be worth it, and if it doesn’t happen, you still won’t mind because what you got was enough.”
Both of his brows tick higher as I talk. “Shit, Cruz. I came in here to see what was taking you so long to get the damn barrel, not to get a life lesson I don’t need.” He starts for the door, but when he puts his hand on the knob, he pauses. “For what it’s worth, I’m happy for you. It makes those years less... regrettable.”
He doesn’t have to specify exactly which years. All of them. He changed my diapers when he was barely out of his. He made sure I had my hat and gloves in the winter, sometimes giving mehis own. And he sacrificed his wild teen years to finish raising me and keep me out of jail.
If the only way I can honor him is to fall in love and be a decent partner, it’s going to be an easy task. All I have to do is the opposite of what our parents did.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Elodie
Cruz picked me up to go to my parents’ place. I stifled yawns the whole way while balancing a tray of salted caramel eclairs on my lap. I liked dressing up for our date, but it’s also good to be back in my loose shorts and shirt with sandals. Even nicer that Cruz gave me the same smoldering look.
When we arrived, Clem was already there and so was Uncle Karl. I introduced them, and Dad and Karl have dominated Cruz’s attention since we arrived and all through eating. Cruz has probably shared every scrap of distilling knowledge he knows and received just as much gossip about his neighbor, Hutch Langley.
Mom’s not allowed to do any work, so the guys are cleaning up the meal too. I’m sitting on a chair beside Clem on the floating deck Dad built behind the house. Mom has her face tipped to the sky.
As if Cruz senses me staring at him, he slides his gaze over and gives me a little smirk. I pass him an equally sly smile. Does he know how good he looks just standing there? He doesn’t haveto do more than wake up, run a hand through his hair, and throw on jeans and cowboy boots to get my hormones buzzing. My fatigue isn’t as debilitating when I’m admiring his muscles.
“I think Dad approves of Cruz,” Clem murmurs.
I push my glasses up my nose and sit straighter. “He should.”
Mom chuckles. If I didn’t know she’d bumped her head, I wouldn’t be able to tell. Her gray hair is pulled back and the pleasant expression on her face is exactly what I want to see. “He’s not the hard parent to win over, but I have to say, I agree. Cruz is an open book.”
He’s been as honest as he can be. Will he and I always be guarded around Mom and Dad? Cruz, because he doesn’t want to dredge up a guy who doesn’t exist anymore, and me, because I don’t want my parents to spiral over something they had no control over.
What if they knew, and we could just be? Would the grief and stress be worth it? Would my parents accept him, so he doesn’t hide his past from me? He’s a good guy, and he should be accepted for who he is and not how charming he can be.
Cruz’s laughter drifts over to me and my lips lift into a smile. The man is easygoing and utterly charming. He doesn’t boast. He’s not arrogant. He’s honest and relatable. And he wants to be mine.
Wouldn’t it be nice to fall asleep with him in a bed this time? Sex with him might scramble my brains, but the cuddling would be off the charts.
“I like that I’ve met him,” Mom says, and I’m yanked into awareness.
Was I falling asleep again? With nothing but Cruz and cuddling on my mind? Yes, probably. “I like that you’ve met him too.”
