CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Summer
Light shines brightlythrough the crack in the curtains, making me groan.Even without looking at the clock, I know it’s early.Too early.
I haven’t had enough sleep to handle today.
First, I have to quit my job.Officially.
Second, I have to deal with the best mistake I ever made.
Slowly, oh so slowly, I roll onto my back, prepared to see a mass of tattoos on a muscular back.However, the bed is empty, the sheets cold to the touch.Dread hits me so hard, I clutch my stomach.
I'm so fucking stupid.
Sitting up, I brush the frizzy mess of hair out of my face.I shouldn’t be surprised he left.I expected as much when I tried to fight my desire last night.I thought— I thought he felt it too.This...whatever it is called that burns between us.I thought last night meant more, that I was worth more than walking out on.I let myself hope for more.
I didn’t need forever.But at least give me the fucking decency of saying goodbye in the morning.At least fucking pretend to give a shit.
I throw the blanket off me.“The fucking disrespect,” I hiss, heading for the bathroom to shower.
To wash him and the best sex I’ve ever had away.
I still feel him, still smell him, and between my thighs still throbs from how deliciously rough he was with me.
No one has ever fucked me so raw before.I’ve never allowed myself to be that free with a guy either.I’ve always held myself back, not being able to fully trust.Whether it was the alcohol I consumed, or the events of the day, or a lapse in judgement, I let myself trust Reid.In return, I was given multiple mind-blowing orgasms.
Shaking my head, I change my wayward thoughts.It wasn’t good.It wasn’t even memorable.
It was...
It was the best night of my fucking life.
My shoulders slump as I switch on the shower.I hate him for making me feel this way.Insecurities flare like they never went away.Growing up, boys saw me as a pretty face, the girl with the bigger boobs than her friends.They didn’t see past the surface, and whilst it may sound fun for some, it wasn’t.I never knew who wanted me for me or who wanted me so they could brag they got me.I wanted to feel seen.
Reid made me feel seen.
Now, I just feel like the girl who lost her virginity, and then hearing her boyfriend brag that he fucked me, and taking money off people.
And I know Reid’s not intentionally making me feel this way, but fuck, it burns.I thought he respected me.He had me so goddamn fooled.
My mood only worsens as I finish my shower and get ready for the day.Today, I’ve decided to throw on a casual, mint green, high-waist summer dress which twists at the front.It reminds me of a skater dress with its flared bottom, but unlike most skater dresses, this one has buttons on the top half, giving it character.I pair it with a bunch of bangles on my wrist and my white flip flops.I leave my hair in a low ponytail, since anything I do to it will be ruined by the humid air outside.
I reach for my raffia, sand-coloured bag from the end of the bed, staring at the messy heap of blankets.
Tears glisten in my eyes, but I don’t let them fall.I feel so pathetic.I can’t even make my bed, scared that if I do, it will erase the memory of last night.
