“Not enough. Maybe that’s why Lex ain’t jumping your bones. You got a white girl’s ass now.”
I frown, pushing my food around with the chopsticks. What if he’s right? What if Lex isn’t as attracted to me as he used to be? I was utterly perfect for him—he made sure that I knew, over and over. But now… those things he used to love so much about me are practically gone. At least my boobs didn’t shrink. I don’t really think it’d be possible to have less of them.
I’m still sourly ruminating on Mason’s words as I walk to a trash can to throw out my empty container. “Hi, doll,” Kevin greets me, all smiles and great mood.
“Hi, Kev. How are you?”
“Good. Amazing, actually. I have a beautiful daughter, a lovely wife, and my best friend is out of jail.”
“I guess life is treating you well,” I reply with forced humor.
“It really is. I wanted to check on how it’s treating you. All good?”
“Yes,” I lie.
Per usual, I’m not very convincing, so Kev catches it and winces. “Ah… Is he pissed at you?”
“Pissed doesn’t even begin to cover it.”
“I had a sense he wasn’t taking it very well. He refused to talk about it during the ride back to Seattle.”
“He’s not being very reasonable about it.”
Kev nods before contritely saying, “In all fairness, I understand him. I’d be mad at Shell if she… took the same risks you did.”
“And I get that,” I agree. “But I thought we’d at least be able to talk about it. He refuses to have a discussion, to even hear my side.”
“I see. I’ll talk to him and tell him to stop being a stubborn asshole. I’m sorry you have to deal with that on top of everything you already went through.”
“He went through much more,” I defend Lex.
“Because his experience was worse doesn’t mean yours doesn’t matter. I’ll have a chat with him and remind him you also suffered. And if he keeps being an annoying fool, you know you’re always welcome to stay with us, right?”
“Thank you, but I want to be there for him.”
“That’s very considerate of you, Andy. But what about you? Who’s there for you?”
His considerate question is one I haven’t asked myself. I have friends, and my family is three hours away if need be. But it’s not really the same, is it? Especially since I can never be truthful about what happened and why Lex is mad at me.
“Being married to Michelle, I know how important mental health is,” Kevin kindly continues. “You may feel strong enough now, but everything is stacking up on top of the rest. It can all crumble like a house of cards, so be careful, Andrea.”
Life, especially these past few months, has taught me I’m much stronger than I look. And my love for Lex, the love we share, makes me the strongest I’ve ever been. He needs me to be here right now. If I were the one broken, I know he’d be there for me, ready to build meback up, one day at a time. He’ll get better soon, and that’s enough motivation for me to endure more hardship.
Maybe his mind doesn’t want me there, but his heart does. Nothing can convince me otherwise. I’m too familiar with that man not to realize that.
That’s the mantra I tell myself for the rest of the day. Deep down, he wants me there. No matter what his mouth says, he needs me with him. I’m convinced of it by the time I return to his place after a long day of distracted work.
At least he hasn’t gotten the locks changed, I notice as I twist the key. I hadn’t really thought of it until I got into the elevator. Then, it was all I could think of. What would I do if he’d locked me out? Thankfully, the key easily turns, and I get inside with no bad surprises.
Lex is nowhere in sight as I get rid of my things, settling them on the rack by the entrance. I don’t find him in the hidden room or in his home office, which doesn’t fail to worry me. Has he gone out? Instead of locking me out, has he left?
Just as I’m about to ask Iris where he is, a movement to my right catches my attention. My eyes fall on him, and my jaw drops slightly, bewildered by the sight. It looks like he was in his home gym, his drenched T-shirt resting on his shoulder, his impressive torso shimmering with sweat. I ogle the tight muscles there, hypnotized. How is he even fitter than before?
There’s barely any body fat left on him, and whatever exercise he just did has his muscles popping. Holy shit. I need him to use all these muscles to fuck me into a mattress. Or into a wall. Or the floor. I don’t care, I just need him sweaty, naked, and above me.
Confusion crosses his face when he sees I’m here, and he checks his watch before mumbling something into his beard.Ha, literally…I stare shamelessly as he struggles to slip on his wet T-shirt.
Jesus fuck, I need to listen to Mason and somehow seduce Lex. He must have such an easy trigger at the moment, after months of abstinence. I don’t know if, like me, he hasn’t indulged at all, but even if he did, nothing’s like the real thing, right? Especially for us.
