He isn’t the same man as before. I can barely see the generational wealth nerd I used to know and love. This man right here has experienced hardship. He’s lost everything, and even though he’s found it all again, it left a mark.
I want to be here for this new version of him. So fucking badly. I want to help smooth that line between his brows. I want to kiss the small scars on his upper lip and eyebrow. I want to remind him I love him unconditionally. And I want him to remind me of what it feels like to be loved by him. Sweaty hours spent rolling in his sheets, entanglements so profound we can’t remember where we end and start.
I haven’t gotten around to using Idris and Jensen, too preoccupied to be in the mood, too busy to make the time for it. It would have been more frustrating than anything else, anyway, because nothing can ever be as soul-shattering as what this man used to do to me.
Memories of our past exploits make their way into my mind, which fuels itself at the sight of him. He looks so strong, he could break me in half if he tried. I’m so touch-deprived that I’d probably be into it. God, I want him to hoist me up on this counter and take me like he did our first night together, relentlessly fucking me like I’m all he ever wanted in this world.
The fantasies are getting a little too intense when Lex turns around with his plate ready. I look away, pretending I wasn’t staring, but I see him get closer in the corner of my eye. To my surprise, he sets the plate in front of me, along with a fork and a knife.
Stunned, I stare at it. He… cooked for me? He won’t talk to me or look at me, but he made me breakfast?
“Eat,” he orders before taking his own plate.
I gaze up at him again, expecting him to settle next to me, but I see him walking toward the Nammota room instead, leaving me alone with the breakfast he made.
He cooked for me. No matter how mad he is, even if I just called him a stubborn ass, he made me breakfast. He didn’t have to, but he did it anyway.
For the first time in over three months, I actually want to eat something. I crave it, even. So, I devour the dish, my appetite having returned with surprising force. It isn’t grand cuisine, but it might as well be with how I eat it all, leaving nothing but yolk smears on the plate. I haven’t had a full meal in so long that it weighs heavily on my stomach. But the sensation is pleasant, fulfilling. Lex cooked for me, and that meal fed my heart as much as it did my body.
After I’ve cleaned up after myself, I finish getting ready for work. Before I leave, though, I walk up to the hidden door, which Lex didn’t fully close. He doesn’t know I’m here at first, so I get to see what he’s been doing in there. It looks like he’s going over the scripts I created for the heist. Is it out of curiosity? Does he wonder how I pulled it off in such a short time?
I could stay here all day, watching his handsome profile, but I have a job I need to get to. So, I force myself to say, “I’m off.”
He swiftly hides what he was working on by returning to the desktop, which is pointless but betrays his state of mind. Then he twists to me but says nothing.
“Given time, do you think we can ever go back to the way it used to be?” I ask softly.
He thinks about his answer for a while. Too long. That can’t be good. “I don’t know if I can ever fully trust you again, Andrea.”
My chest clenches painfully. “But can you forgive me?”
Again, he ponders for several seconds. “I don’t know.”
His sincere doubts finish breaking my heart. He needs more time to find his way back to me. A lot of it. He needs to heal from those three months, and then, maybe, he’ll work on forgiving me.
Chapter 14
“Ya’ll just need to bone,” Mason explains, chewing on his burrito.
To celebrate Lex’s release, Kevin treated the entire office to lunch. That’s why at noon, around twenty delivery guys came in, arms loaded with bags full of boxes and containers.
“Trust me, I know,” I mumble after swallowing my pad Thai. “I’m down to fuck. He’s the one who has a problem.”
“I bet homeboy misses his prison wife.”
“Mace,” I warn with a scowl.
“Sorry, boo. I don’t know what to tell you. I’d be all over that if I were you. Bending over at the hip, strolling around barely dressed, accidental touches… I’d get him fucked up. Make him feral for it.”
“Maybe I should try that.”
“Do it. He hasn’t gotten laid in three months. I bet he’d be so easy to get on board.”
I eat the rest of my meal in silence, pensive. Mason’s probably right, and I can likely seduce Lex into fucking me senseless, but would it fix us? We’ve always been tremendous at sex, and it might remind him how good we are together. Manipulating him like this sounds a little questionable, but I’m desperate. A girl needs a good dicking, and her favorite dick in the world is back in town, safe and sound.
“It’s good to see you eating again, boo,” Mace says, pointing at my pad Thai.
“I was eating,” I protest.
