Somehow, I managed not to cry since the call, despite breaking Lex’s heart. But confessing everything to Oliver puts in perspective just how awful this is. The emotions I’ve been able to deny for a week all come rushing, and I’m practically sobbing before I can even say, “He thinks I’ve given up on him.”
“Hey, come here,” Oli beckons, pulling me into his arms for a comforting hug.
“What if we fail, Oli?” I ask. “What if we can’t save him, and he ends up in prison for the rest of his life? What if I broke his heart for nothing, and I never get to see him again?”
“Where’s this coming from, Hulkette? I thought you weredoing well?”
“I don’t know what I’m doing, Oli. And now he thinks I don’t love him enough. He knows I’m off work, that I could visit him any day I want, but that I won’t, for some reason.”
“Come on, Andy, I’m sure he knows you guys are stronger than this.”
“You don’t get it. His own parents showed him he wasn’t worthy of love. He’s gotten so convinced of it over the years, he’ll assume it’s all true. To him, I’m only following the pattern he’s known his whole life.”
The mere thought has me crying even harder, my frame trembling with sobbing tremors. Oli does the best he can, patting my back and holding me tightly. Eventually, he decides that’s enough. He pushes me away by the shoulders and says, “Okay, go get ready. And shower, you smell like my great-aunt Alma.”
“What?”
“I’ll drive you to Sheridan. I have my laptop, and we can set up a secure connection from the car. I’ll teach you a few things, and you’ll work the whole time. Not a minute wasted.”
Stunned by his plan, I say nothing for a few seconds, processing. The shock stopped my tears at once, with only a few hiccups remaining. “Oli, it’s a four-hour drive.”
“I already warned my lady friend I’d be busy today. I’ll see her in the evening.”
“Oli—”
“No, shush. Stop protesting, I’m taking you. You’re too much of a mess to work anyway, so there’s no other choice.”
Something in the imperiousness of his tone, the determined stare he gives me, makes me understand he won’t change his mind.
He’s right. I need to see Lex. At least this one time. I have to let him know I’m not abandoning him. And something tells me he needs that reassurance as much as I need to tell him.
“Thanks, Oli,” I whisper, emotional again. “Thank you so much for this.”
“That’s my gig, remember? I help damsels in distress.”
“And you’re fucking amazing at it,” I respond before rushing back to the bedroom.
Chapter 10
My cuticles know no mercy as I wait for someone to bring Lex on the other side of the booth. I nervously pick on them under the tablet as I rehearse what I’ll tell him. I have to be clever about this.
Part of me doesn’t want him to know what I’m doing, or he’ll try to make me stop—force me to. But having that hope, that light at the end of the tunnel, might be what he needs to stay strong. Just like me, he’s probably losing faith in the trial. His lawyers update him regularly, so he’s aware it doesn’t look good. But if he knows I’m working on the side to get him out… If he knows, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I’m never abandoning him… Then maybe he’ll find it in him to stay strong. To survive this.
Even just to scold the shit out of me once I get him out.
When he arrives, my heart jumps at the sight of him. I’ve been so worried I might never see him again that seeing his familiar face feels miraculous. The bruises on his handsome features are nearly healed, and the cuts on his upper lip and eyebrow are down to small, pink scars.
His expression as the guard sits him down in front of me is completely closed off. It’s as though the light within him is gone, blocked by his walls—which are all the way up. I hurt him, and it’s only fair he’d shield himself like this, in case I do it again.
I pick up the phone first, and a couple of seconds later, he takes his.
“I thought you weren’t coming anymore,” are his first words.
“I changed my mind. I still won’t come as much, but I thought I should at least come today. How have you been?”
He doesn’t answer, but the weariness in his gray eyes is telling. This place is taking a toll on him, on his mental state, on his physical health, on his complex mind… He has to get out, or prison will destroy who he is.
Moving my free hand from my lap, I casually rest it on the counter, revealing the ring. To show how involved I still am in him, in us, I took my abuela’s ring out of the box and slipped it on. This small, casual clue is one only he will catch. No one can understand how much it means but him.
