He hangs up without another word, and I remain unmoving, my phone over my ear, blankly staring at the screen before me. What if this was a mistake? What if this extra blow completely breaks him? By the time I’m done pulling this off, what will be left of him? Will he lose his trust in me and move on?
As painful as it is, our story isn’t the thing I ought to salvage. Lex must be freed at any cost, even our love. He’s there because of me, so it’s my mistake to repairand atone for.
I’m not as efficient as I was before Lex’s phone call. All I can think about is him, waiting for me to come, only to realize I won’t. And now, he’s probably sitting in his cell, trying to come to terms with the fact that I’m abandoning him, despite all my promises.
The room seems to narrow around me. It becomes more oppressive by the minute, and all I want to do is get out. That’s why five hours after Katya’s arrival, when Iris unlocks the hidden door and opens it, I practically jump out of my chair to exit the confined space.
My first stop is the kitchen to drink a glass of water and check out the fridge. There, after making an inventory of what Katya added and threw away, I take out a box of leftover fried rice. Perched on a chair at the high counter, I eat the dish without even taking the time to heat it up.
Then, I decide I’ve wandered around in panties and one of Lex’s T-shirts for long enough today, so I head to the master bedroom to take a shower and change. As soon as I enter it, pure dread fills me upon seeing the freshly made bed.
Oh God, no!
Katya changed the sheets. The fresh ones won’t smell of Lex anymore. My last shred of hope is crushed when I check the laundry room, finding the old sheets freshly cleaned and neatly folded on a shelf.
It’s gone. Lex’s scent is really gone. I’m losing him. Little by little, I’m losing the man I love. But it’ll all be worth it. The end will justify the means.
Even if there isn’t an “us” anymore by then.
Another week goes by, more discoveries, more learning, more trying… Like Oli said, most of Lex’s scripts are obsolete, some of them completely unusable. But they’re still a great tool for learning. Seeing how Lex bypasses some obstacles is valuable, even if those obstacles have changed in the past few years.
I’m on the couch, staring at my soggy granola when the intercom rings on Saturday morning. “Shit, Oli,” I mutter to myself. “Iris, can you let him in?”
“Of course.”
While Iris handles him, I rush to the bedroom to slip on a pair of sweatpants. I’ve kept him away since the phone call with Lex, living in complete isolation. No visits, barely any calls—and none from Lex. But Oli insisted on coming today, to see where I’m at.
I can’t tell if he sensed I’ve been a mess or if he’s genuinely curious about my progress. But the minute he lays eyes on me, he’ll know just how terrible I’m doing. I haven’t shampooed or brushed my hair in a week and showered maybe twice.
Fuck, I need to hop in the shower before I see him. He’ll schedule an intervention if he sees me like this. I’m about to head to the bathroom when I hear him call out, “Andy?” from the living room.
Ugh, shit. “Coming!” I shout.
I pass a hand through my hair to quickly brush it and tie it together in a messy bun, using the elastic band around my wrist. That probably won’t fool him, but a girl can try.
“Hey,” I greet him with a fake smile when I return to the living room.
He’s turned away from me, looking at a painting. “Hey, Hulkette. How are you do—” The moment he sees me, he pauses.
“Great,” I lie. “You?”
“Fine. So, what’s new?”
“I’ve been training. And becoming acquainted with the dark side of the web. I’ve been gathering information we might need for the heist.”
“Nice. And Lex? Any news?”
“Uh, no. Not really.”
“What? Is something wrong? Did he get locked in solitary again?”
“No, I—uh—I kind of told him I couldn’t keep doing this. The calls, the visits…”
He looks confused as he asks, “But why?”
“Because the phone calls are recorded, and I don’t want to risk saying something I shouldn’t. And the visits… They take up an entire day every week. I can’t waste that kind of time, Oli. Not if I want to get him out before the trial.”
“So, right now, he thinks…”
