“Okay, I guess I’ll be partying with you, then,” I concede.
They cheer for a few seconds, victorious, and then they’re back to talking about their costumes. Fuck, I already regret giving in so easily.
The memory of what happened at the last Kelex costume party is still painfully fresh. Lex took me home that night, I tied him up to my bed, and then we made love for the first time. Well, maybe it wasn’t love after all, but something significant happened that evening, and I won’t let anything or anyone take that away from me.
Regardless of how miserable I feel, I don’t even wish I’d never met him. I don’t regret the moments we spent together, falling for him, or discovering how overwhelming and fulfilling love can be. It truly is a feeling like no other.
And it’s not like I ever even stood a chance. Ihadto fall in love with him because he’s the most unique, caring, and perfect man I’ve ever met.
Like they say, ’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right?
Or at least it will be better once it stops hurting so damn much.
Chapter 02
An hour. I’ll stay at this pointless party for an hour and then head home. That’s what Kev and I negotiated, and I’m a man of my word. I found a good spot to wait it out, seated on a stool at the far end of the bar, away from the epicenter of the party.
Like every year, people seem to be having fun. Most of the costumes are lost on me, but I can tell everyone did their best. It makes sense since there’s a contest with prizes. It might be a little over the top, but Kev thinks it helps with morale and makes for a great Halloween party.
The bar is nicer than I expected. Although it’s larger than last year’s venue, it still looks packed, especially since some costumes are voluminous, and everyone was allowed a plus one. Even with the dimmed lights, the Halloween decorations are out of place—as always. Fake spider webs are stretched in corners, there are skulls with candles in them, drops of fake blood on the mirrors… But nothing looks cheap or childish, which is a pleasant change.
I scan the crowd, searching once more forher, wondering if she’ll show up. She’s the only one missing from the team. Brian’s wearing what looks like a car robot costume, Steven and his girlfriend are Klingons, Mason is in a yellow hazmat suit, and Joseph is dressed as Edward Scissorhands—which I know thanks to my sisters’ obsession with Johnny Depp when they were teenagers.
I look down at my outfit, wondering if anyone will get it. Although costumes aren’t my thing, I decided to give it a try this time around. This is especially for Andrea, and if anyone can guess who I’m dressed as, it’s her. But she might not even come, and I bothered with a suit and tie for nothing.
It’s hard to tell how she’s been doing since she closes up anytime I’m near her. But I hope she’s been doing betterthan I have, already over what we had. A month is nothing. I’ve had arrangements with women that lasted much longer than that, and it never took more than a day to move on. So why the fuck am I unable to do it this time?
As a teenager, I realized I wasn’t built for love, lasting relationships, and the perfect little nuclear family. The two decades since only proved me right, until she came crashing into my life, flipping my world and everything I thought I knew upside down with her clever mouth and dark scowls.
My eyes have been opened, and I know that Icouldlead a happy and normal life with someone. But only with her. There’s no one else out there with whom I could imagine growing old, with the white picket fence, the children, the whole fucking deal. It’s Andrea or no one. That’s what I lost. Not just the smartest, prettiest, and most incredible woman I’ve ever encountered, but my only shot at a genuinely happy and meaningful life.
Holding back a sigh, I wave to get the bartender’s attention and point at my glass when I get it. The tall blonde is quick to give me a refill and a fresh ice cube before moving on to another customer. Maybe I should have bought the whole bottle. But then people would notice, and Kev would most certainly say something about it. This way, only the bartender and I know it’s my fourth glass in barely half an hour.
I’m two gulps in when a familiar laugh tears through the music and makes my gut wrench unpleasantly. As if compelled, my eyes dart in the direction it came from, landing on a headful of brown curls and a perfect profile. She’s here. At some point in the last few minutes, she arrived and joined the guys. And she’s wearing a… bathrobe?
Confusion has my eyebrow twitching as I take in her costume. She’s wearing a tan bathrobe, plaid shorts, a white T-shirt, and sandals. On her head sits a pair of sunglasses that must be part of her costume. I can’t be the only one not knowing what she’s dressed as. It has to be an obscure reference from some movie barely anyone has seen.
Leave it to her to come up with this when most women here have used the opportunity to look pretty. Andrea doesn’t need makeup, hairdos, and formfitting clothes, though. She’s still the most gorgeous woman here, even in her weird costume.
I’m still looking at her, still taking her in, when her head twists toward me. Like a coward, I look away before our gaze can meet, focusing back on my half-empty glass.
What would tonight look like if I hadn’t put an end to us? Would we be here as an official couple? Would she have come to me with one of her indulging smiles to pull me away from my dark corner and force me to socialize? Maybe we would have gotten ready together before coming here, though I might still have tried to keep my costumea secret so she could have the surprise later, after we got home together for a night of passion and cuddles.
Fuck, I miss holding her in my arms. I miss waking up with her sweet jasmine scent filling my nose before my eyes open. I miss her lessons in pop culture, her patience with me, her gleeful little laughs whenever I tease her, and her funny socks. I miss talking to her, wondering where the conversation will take us, what new little morsel of her past I’ll learn about…
Of course, I miss the sex as well, but I miss the vulnerable moments that came after even more. Just lying there with our souls as bare as our bodies. The world could have been on fire during those precious minutes, and we wouldn’t have cared. It was only her and me, lost in fleeting moments that felt like our eternity.
Once more, I gaze at her, hoping it’s safe again. She’s talking to Mason, who whispers something in her ear. She nods with a smile, and even from where I sit, I see how it doesn’t reach her eyes. Can others notice it as well, or is this some kind of ability I have developed? As someone who could never read people, it almost feels like a superpower.
And I had to let her go…
The rest of my glass goes down in a vain attempt at alleviating my sour mood. Alcohol was never one of my sins, but that has changed. I’ve drowned my gloomy thoughts on more than one occasion since that day, and it looks like tonight will be more of that. Again, the bartender efficiently refills my glass when I ask. I stare ahead at the bottles of liquor displayed before me. Soon, I’ll feel normal again. There’s no way I’ll stay this miserable for the rest of my life.
I’m about to take a sip when a firm hand grips my shoulder. “Everything alright?” Kevin asks, appearing by my side with a smile.
“Peachy,” I sarcastically answer, taking a big gulp.
“Come on, Lexi. Aren’t you having even a little bit of fun?”
