My heart aches like needles are piercing through it. “That must have been awful,” I say, my voice so small I’m surprised they even hear me.
“And on top of that, Lex has always been terrible at figuring people out,” Lucy explains. “Non-verbal cues don’t come naturally to him, but he’s learned to consciously analyze them. Most things would fly right over his head otherwise.”
She pauses, looking at me with a smile. “I think that’s why he reacted to you so strongly.”
“Me? What do you mean?”
“You’re very expressive, which makes it easy to read you. Imagine being stuck in a country where you don’t understand the language, and suddenly, you stumble upon someone who speaks English. That must feel godsent.”
Michelle nods at that.
So to him, I’m like… English in a land of Chinese? Okay, shit. I didn’t want to know that. I don’t want to hear how special I am to him, only to be reminded it still isn’t enough.
“Anyhow,” she continues, leaning back into her chair, “I’m not trying to make excuses for my brother—I don’t know what he did to you. But Lex has deep scars that date back to when he was a child, too smart, too awkward, too unprepared, and too young to fit. As a result, he has felt out of place his entire life.”
She turns to Michelle, conflicted. “I don’t have Shelly’s knowledge of the human mind, but I have almost thirty-five years of observation of that particular subject. And if I had to guess what’s going on in that brilliant, yet foolish, mind, I’d say he feels like he doesn’t deserve to be happy. He feels like the freak he’s been called too often, and he doesn’t feel worthy of you.”
“That’s what I think, too,” Michelle agrees.
The words affect me like a slap across the face. There’s no way they’re right. I’m not some kind of godly creature deserving of the most perfect person. He’s goddamn near that, regardless of his troubled past, or rather, in spite of it. Why would he ever think he wasn’t enough?
“He thinks I’m too good for him?” I ask, confused. They both nod, and I let out, “That’s bullshit.”
If they’re right, pushing me away wasn’t because he doesn’t want me but because he won’t impose on me the “freak” he sees himself as. What kind of fucked-up reasoning is that? How dare he make decisions for me?
Breaking my heart wasn’t an act of kindness or mercy. He wasn’t doing me a favor. He was being an idiot, and I’m not letting him thinkhe did the right thing. What the actual fuck. I’m boiling inside, angry that any of this could be true.
Fuck this.
I need to know. I need him to tell me this isn’t the dumb reason I’ve been suffering for weeks.
The waiter arrives with our food, ripping me out of my fuming thoughts. “Have you made your choice, miss?” he asks Lucy.
There’s no way I can eat anything right now. I have to get out of here and confront a stupid genius. So, pointing at my plate and looking at Lucy, I ask, “Do you want my—”
“Yes, I’ll take it. Go.” Surprised, I blink a couple of times. Am I actually that easy to read? She reaches over to grab my plate and adds with a sly smile, “Say hi to my baby brother for me.”
“Uh, I will, yes,” I agree, grabbing my bag and standing up. “It was… insightful meeting you, Lucy. I’m not sure we’ll see each other again, but—”
“Oh, I think we will,” she counters. “Now, go knock some sense into that idiot.”
Shit, this is so, so weird. “I will.”
“Do it gently,” Michelle tries.
“I probably won’t. Thank you for the lunch and the stories. So much. I’ll see you around,” I conclude, leaving with determination.
If there’s any truth to what they said, if Lex loves me but is doing this to “spare” me, he’s in for a world of pain.
Chapter 06
By the time I’m parked in front of Lex’s building, my determination and anger have severely decreased. What if they were wrong? Maybe Lex never loved me. Maybe Michelle misunderstood. Maybe Lucy doesn’t know her brother that well… That scares me so much, but them being right scares me even more. What if Lex confesses he did, in fact, fall in love with me? Then what?
The answer is right there, less than five minutes away. All I have to do is grow somecojonesand ask him. Then I’ll know if I imagined everything or if what we had was real. Either way, I’m leaving Kelex, so I’m not risking much.
And if I don’t ask, I’ll wonder forever. The thought makes my stomach twist. I’m not living the rest of my life with that.
That’s all I need to build up the courage to exit the car and walk up to the massive door of his building. The doorman greets me with a smile as he opens, and my chest tightens as I enter the luxurious hall.
