My heart leaves my throat to drop low in my stomach, making me nauseous. What the fuck is happening? Lex doesn’t love me. He was very clear about that. It’s actually the whole reason why we’re in thismess, why I’m looking for another job far from him. So why the fuck would his sister assume he does?
When I gaze at Michelle, she offers me a supportive look, reaching over the table to lay a comforting hand over my balled fist. Shit, this entire situation is actually traumatizing. I need to get out of itnow.
“I have to go,” I let out. “I’m sorry that Lex isn’t doing well. I truly am.” I pause, trying to calm down. My throat aches with the need to cry, and tears well up in my eyes. My period’s starting soon, so I’m way too fucking hormonal for this. “But I don’t think either of you realizes how broken that relationship has left me. I can’t sit here, debating whether or not he loved me when he told me himself he never did. I actually do, though, and I’m still trying to get over—”
“You love him?” Lucy asks.
“Yes.”
“Then what is wrong with him?” she frustratedly lets out, turning to Michelle.
“You, of all people, know exactly what is wrong with him.”
“Hm, right…” Lucy mumbles. “Did he actually say it?” she then asks me.
“Say what?”
“Did Lex actually say he didn’t love you?”
I remain silent, unsure if I should be offended or laugh. Does she want a drawing? Disconcerted, I stare at her, unsure why she’d want me to elaborate on that painful memory.
“Lex doesn’t lie,” she explains. “He learned a long time ago that silence can be a weapon just as efficient. He will purposefully omit things, but he won’t lie.”
I don’t want to let her words make sense, but my mind inevitably drifts back to the day my heart broke into a thousand sharp pieces. He didn’t say it. Not once. I was the one who did, and he never even nodded to confirm it. He remained silent, so I drew my own conclusions.
My eyes travel back and forth between them, trying to understand what the fuck is happening. I thought he loved me, and then I thought he didn’t. But now they’re saying that he does, in fact, love me?
Their compassionate smiles aren’t helping with my distress, especially since they look so sure about it.
“What the fuck?” I mutter to myself.
“Yeah, Alexander has that effect on people.”
“You really think he’s in love with me?”
“Kevin confirmed it,” Michelle explains with a nod.
“But why—Why would he—” I can’t talk, too overwhelmed. No way I’m having a meltdown in a crowded restaurant.
“I know my idiot brother can be a lot,” Lucy says, “and I can’t make excuses for his actions. He’s old enough to know when he’s gone too far. But in his defense, we grew up in a very messed up environment, and it was even harder for him than it was for me and our sisters.”
Everything in me wants to hear more. Lex has always been like a fortress, and something tells me he was barely starting to open up when things ended. He shared things with me, but I’m pretty sure I only scratched the surface. Lex’s psyche probably goes so much deeper than I ever imagined, and getting a look into it is incredibly tempting.
“Really?” I ask, even though I know I shouldn’t.
She grimaces as she says, “Our parents were never meant to have children, but they absolutely wanted a son, so they kept trying until he was born. When it turned out that he was a certified genius, they paraded him around like a show pony. What they failed to realize, though, was that his one-of-a-kind brain came with unique needs that they weren’t willing to meet. Nothing was ever simple for him. Every single thing always meant so much more.”
“I knew he was smart, but I never realized he was that smart,” I said, frowning.
“Our parents had him tested at least ten times. The lowest number was in the 170s, and the highest was 212. They settled on 189, I think.”
Holy shit… An IQ that high makes him one of the smartest people alive. Lex is way above Einstein and Hawking, and that triggers hundreds of questions. What is it like for him to be around ordinary people all the time? Why did he choose to become a computer engineer instead of working in quantum physics or something like that?
My amazement seems to amuse Lucy, and she gives me a friendly smile. “From what I’ve heard, you’re not too bad yourself. What’s your number?”
“Actually, I never took a test,” I admit. “My parents didn’t like the history behind IQ tests, and I never cared. I don’t need a number to tell me who I am.”
“I wish our parents felt the same way. Instead, they let those three digits rule everything, and they refused to acknowledge that Lex might be different in more ways than his extremely high intelligence. He was forced to skip grades his entire childhood, with no counseling or psychological support. Children can be cruel, and being younger than his classmates by a few years made him an easy target. Lex spent his childhood being a ‘freak’ to the other kids. He became out of touch with society, living in his own head, away from the others—a defense mechanism. By the time I stepped in and took him to see a therapist, the damage was alreadydone.”
