“Whatever you call it, you’re my favorite kind of badass. Swimming with sharks is pretentious as shit.”
She laughs softly again and then rises to press her lips on mine. My surprise doesn’t last long and I return her amorous enterprise. We need this, don’t we? To feel the love again, to feel how much we care about one another. It’s slow and poignant, and when she slips her tongue in my mouth, I reach up to tangle my fingers in her messy curls. We kiss for endless minutes in the silence of her room, and I finally feel like I’m not losing her after what I did.
When her slim hand slips under my T-shirt to graze my chest before lowering to slither into my underwear, I stop her with a firm grip. We’re not doing that. Not after how I hurt her yesterday. The way I fucked her against that wall was despicable. I would never have done that to any of the women I’ve been with, but I did it toher…My most precious, most perfect dork. She might have already forgiven me, but I’m far from having forgiven myself.
“Andrea… I can’t,” I counter. “I need more time.”
Although I can barely distinguish her face in the dark, I know she’s flushed when she says, “I-I’m sorry, I thought—”
“It’s alright. I’m not in the mood, that’s all.”
She nods and lies on the bed, turning her back to me. Since she doesn’t seem opposed to us cuddling, and because I would rather avoid falling out of bed during the night, I lie to the side with her and hold her close, molding my body to hers.
“I love you, freckles,” I whisper in her ear.
“Forever?” The desperate hope in her voice pains me. How can she even doubt it?
I kiss the warm skin of her neck and say, “Andrea, I have no doubt about this. I will love you for the rest of my life.”
She relaxes, melting closer to me. I wish I could tear my chest open to hand her my heart so she’d know how entirely devoted I am to her.
But I’ll do the next best thing and show her every day for as long as she lets me.
Lexleft. He pulled an Andrea on me and disappeared while I was sleeping. And it really fucking sucks.
But as I stare at the ceiling, I rationalize and tell myself he probably needed to get his stuff to head to work. I was the one who forced him to stay the night, even though he had nothing with him.
It doesn’t have to be because he didn’t want to spend the night here, just like he didn’t want to have sex with me yesterday. But I can’t blame him for that, because I acted like a dramatic bitch, ruining his birthday and making everything so damn awkward with his family. He still loves me, but he’ll need a hot minute to get over the fact that I made everything about me. Looking back at it, it was so immature that I’m actually embarrassed. We have eight and a half years between us, and I’m sure he can feel them more than ever right now.
I’m still sour when I drag myself out of bed, reflecting on my past nocturnal escapes and how he must have felt about them. I promise to never do that again as I slip on a hoodie before exiting my room. I stop in my tracks upon finding Lex and Tami seated on the stools by the high counter.
He’s still here!
Hiding my elation, I quickly join them, all my gloominess suddenly gone. I greet Tami with a smile before giving Lex a quick peck, his hand caressing my hip as he holds me there for an instant.
“I thought you left in the middle of the night,” I tell him.
“And how did that feel?”
“Not great.”
His smile isn’t mocking but indulgent as he says, “Now you know.”
I wince and rise to my toes to give him another small kiss—a weak apology, for sure.
There are all sorts of pastries on the table, as well as freshly mixed smoothies from outside.
“What a great way to start the week,” I say as I sit with them. Because I could lose a few pounds, I tear a cinnamon roll in half and promise myself I won’t eat more than that.
“I woke up early, went home to change, and bought a few things on my way back.”
“Seriously, I never thought I’d ever see my boss bring me breakfast and drive me to work,” Tamika signs with an amused smile. “Sleeping with him was a great idea, Andy.”
Lex chokes on the coffee he was drinking, and I bite into my half-roll to hide my grin while he coughs it off. Yes, starting an affair with my boss surprisingly turned out to be one of the best things I’ve ever done. Our road is bumpy and full of obstacles, but I know we can overcome anything as long as we’re together.
Lex is here because he loves me, and I need to embrace that fact. Things will get back to normal soon, and we’ll return to being incredible together.
I’ll make sure of that.
