Dinner with Andrea and Tamika was a little awkward and very silent. I’m unsure what her roommate knows, but it’s easy to guess that Andrea isn’t doing well because of me. Again.
My little raccoon barely ate anything, which tells me that while she’s on a path of forgiveness, she still isn’t entirely over what happened. I’m eager to leave as soon as we’ve cleaned everything up, but Andrea practically begs me to stay, arguing she owes me a night together for the way she fled my apartment.
When I agree, she hands me an oversized T-shirt from a rock band, a spare toothbrush, and goes off to the bathroom. I shower after her, wrapped in the jasmine scent that lingers in the stall, and then return to her room. She’s ready for bed, putting away a few clothes in her wardrobe.
“Do you have a pair of scissors?” I ask. “I looked in the bathroom, but I couldn’t find one.”
“Yeah. What do you need it for?”
I reach behind my neck, into the collar of the T-shirt. “Is it okay to cut the label? It’s itchy.”
“Oh, sure. I don’t mind.” She fetches a pair of scissors from her desk and then joins me. I lower enough for her to cut it off. “There you go,” she says once it’s done.
She throws it in the bin under her desk, puts the scissors away, and slips into her bed. Once my things are folded on her desk chair, I join her under the covers. Her bed is much smaller than mine, so it’s hard not to touch her. But I manage, lying right at the edge of the mattress. She needs space, so as much as I want to take her in my arms to cuddle, I won’t.
This feels very awkward. The last time I was in her bed, she tied me up on it and drove me insane with her greedy lips and eager throat.Then she rode my face like an Amazon, and I proceeded to make love to her for the first time. Right now, though, the moment feels as cold as the surrounding air.
I don’t even understand why she’d want me in her bed after the way I hurt her. She should keep her distance from me, far enough to make sure I’ll never bring her the kind of pain I did.
“I-I’m so fucking sorry for hurting you,” I say at the dark ceiling. “I never want to see you suffer, but I did, and it’s killing me.”
“I may have overreacted a little. You’ve never given me a reason to doubt your love for me—not since we got back together, at least. But I looked Evora up, and it made me doubt everything. She’s so gorgeous, and I look like a leprechaun.”
“You don’t.”
“Compared to her, I do. Even you said she was very beautiful,” Andrea counters, poorly hiding her jealousy.
“And of all the beautiful women I’ve ever seen, none has ever made my heart speed up like it does every time you enter the room. You’re the most stunning woman there’s ever been, and I adore everything about you. You and Eva are very different, and you can’t keep comparing yourself to her like this.”
“It’s hard not to when her life is so amazing, and she’s been everywhere, and she’s super generous… and I’m just me. I’ve barely done anything with my life, haven’t gone anywhere, can’t swim with sharks, and I’ll never—”
“How is swimming with sharks even relevant?” I interrupt her, confused.
“She did that—it’s on her Instagram. That’s so badass, and I could never do that.”
“Andrea, I wouldn’t let you even if you tried. Sharks are scary fuckers.”
“Most of them aren’t actually dangerous.”
“Yeah, but still. I saw Jaws with Kev when we were kids, and it scared the living shit out of me. I couldn’t be near water for a week—couldn’t even shower.”
She giggles and snuggles against me, pressing her cheek on my chest. There, she’ll hear how my heart goes into a frenzy from that simple gesture, and stop doubting how much I love her. “You really don’t mind if I’m never badass enough to swim with sharks?”
“Of course not. And you’re a badass in your own way.”
“How?”
“You broke a man’s nose,” I remind her.
“I did.”
“And you stood up to your boss when he was being an asshole.”
“I fucked him, too. Made him beg for it.”
It’s my turn to chuckle. “You did. And you fiercely protect the ones you love. You kick ass at video games. You aren’t scared of speaking your mind. You don’t care what others think… I could go on and on.”
“We’ll settle on me being a milder form of badass, then,” she offers.
