I have no doubt that Oli and I are highly compatible, but the evening more than confirms it. Our brain chemistry matches, and there isn’t one moment of silence throughout our entire meal. We essentially have the same humor, and the anecdotes we share never fail to work on the other one. Our similarities were never as evident as tonight, and I often find myself thinking of what a great couple we’d make. It seems impossible we’d even argue, and I already know our matching taste in movies and hobbies would provide us with endless discussions and activities.
The restaurant is a bullseye, perfect in so many aspects. The food is so stellar that I can cross Korea off my bucket list. Ain’t no way it gets any better than this.
At some point, long after the dessert plates are gone, he admits to having never seenJaws, and it properly shocks me. “What! How is that even possible?”
“I don’t know, I just never got to watch it,” he defends himself with a laugh.
“We have to fix this right now! Okay. You get the check, I get an Uber, and we go to my place to watch it after we pay. I’m not letting you live another day without having seenJaws.”
He tenses for a split second, but I barely pay attention to it, already whipping out my phone from my tiny purse to get us a car. Eventually, he complies. By the time he’s back, I have secured our ride to my apartment.
“Do they take credit cards?” I ask.
“It’s all paid for, don’t worry.”
“What? Oli, we should have split.”
“Call me old school, but I like to pay on a first date.”
I open my mouth to insist but close it abruptly. Somehow, it momentarily slipped my mind that we were on a date. And now we’re heading back to my place after a lovely dinner. We ate, drank, talked, laughed… And we’re now going where my bed is. Is Oli thinking about that, too?
There’s nothing about the way he is acting that indicates any expectation. He doesn’t strike me as pushy, so when he agrees to come home for a movie, I’m sure that’s okay with him and it’s all he expects. But… still…
Maybe it’s my realization, maybe it’s the unspoken possibility of what comes next, but for the first time tonight, we’re out of things to say. That silence lingers as we walk to the corner where the Uber will pick us up, and I have no idea what to do to lighten the mood. Now that the sun is down, it’s much colder out here. Maybe I can mention that to get us back on track.
I must have shivered because as I’m observing the street, watching out for our car, Oli’s warm jacket slips over my shoulders.
“How is it that women never take a jacket or something when they go out?” he humorously asks.
“Well, I don’t know about other women, but I can’t wear one with this top. It would ruin the fit.”
He chuckles, shaking his head. “You’d look lovely in anything. I’ll always remember the day you arrived in that Hulk T-shirt, surprising everyone. I’d never seen a geek that pretty. And then you worked on that script and showed me I had never seen one that smart either.”
When I turn to him, slightly shocked by his bold declaration, his eyes stare into mine. I can read many things in them, including a few I’m not ready for yet.
Some strong emotion causes my chest to tighten. As much as I wish it were desire or love, it’s mostly guilt. I want his compliments to make something flutter in my stomach, like when Lex gives me the tiniest bit of attention. I want Oli to awaken something in me I didn’t know existed—like Lex did. I want towantOli because he’s what I need, what’s best for me. By a whole fucking mile.
A car stops next to us, breaking the moment, and the driver rolls his window down. “Are you Andrea?”
“Yes, that’s me.”
Oli, who can do no wrong, opens the door for me. I climb into the sleek black Honda, then slide to the other seat to allow him inside. The car takes off, and I get lost in my thoughts again.
But they aren’t about Oliver.
Why do I crave Alexander so much? Why do I harbor so many fantasies about him? Why can’t I get over the passionate kiss we exchanged last week?
I don’t even like the man. The little I know isn’t to my taste. It makes no sense why I’d be so absurdly into him when I can barely stand him. What kind of fucked-up primitive impulse is that? Fuck the smart and athletic man, have his babies, and ensure the longevity and success of your lineage? I’m not a brainless animal living on instinct. I have a fully developed frontal lobe and free will. I don’thaveto feel like that for Lex.
I shouldn’t wish so hard that the drunk group never stopped us, that we fucked in his car right there, that we spent the rest of the night in my bed, trying out every position we could come up with. I shouldn’t wish I knew what it’s like to have him ramming inside me, to know the sensation of his hammering dick as he makes me come hard.
“I’m thrilled we finally got to do this,” Oli lets out beside me, ripping me away from my thoughts.
Shame. An enormous amount of shame takes over me. I’m right here next to Oli, out on a date with him, and my thoughts are of Alexander fucking Coleman. Not only that, but I’m growing wet at the idea of him fucking me.
I try to stop myself, but I can’t. My head is filled with images of Friday night, flashing in my brain, awaking lustful needs—needs I’d give anything to feel for the man sitting beside me.
Maybe it’s time to take the matter into my own hands. Time to make it happen.
