But he doesn’t answer, doesn’t try to deny it, to reassure me, to lie… Instead of innocence, his eyes only display more and more guilt. My heart pounds as wild, terrifying thoughts swell into my mind.
No… No, no, no… This can’t be happening.
“Why?” I can barely contain the outrage in my voice.
Lex hesitates, his eyes locked on mine, trying to gauge the words that could appease me. “He needed to know. It was the right thing to do.”
“He didn’t need to learn about it like this!”
“You’ve been leading him on for weeks. It was the merciful thing to do.” My jaw drops with outrage. Is he being serious right now? His accusation is so unfair, wrong, unjustified…
My voice is too loud when I speak again, but I can’t contain it. “This was cruel, Lex. Not only for Oliver but for me too. And I haven’t sent him any mixed signals forweeks.”
“Really? Then why is he so certain he still has a chance with you?” His tone is rising, too, which doesn’t help my irritation.
“He doesn’t! He never even had a chance.”
“You expect me to believe that? He tells you he’s in love with you, and you immediately distance yourself from me,” he argues, his finger angrily pointing at the door.
Shit, he saw the text… Of course, he saw the fucking text. Now I’m angry at him, but also at myself. I should have been more careful.
“So, what is it, Andrea? Are you, or are you not leading him on? Because kissing emojis and grabbing beers after work aren’t helping your case.”
How does he know about Charlie’s tonight?
“You’re reading our messages?” I struggle to ask. Fuck. It’s too much, too fast. I can’t believe any of this.
“It’s a company tool, not social networking. I have access to the conversations.”
“That doesn’t mean you should read them!”
Everything hurts. I’m distressed and confused, completely lost in the absurdity of what’s happening. Lex saw the texts yesterday, and this morning, he monitored my conversation with Oliver out of resentment or jealousy. And then—Oh, God…
“Is this-is this the reason you asked me out two days in advance?” My question is met with silence. “Was it because you were jealous, or was it because you were impatient to go on a date with me?” I insist.
“Can’t it be both?”
“Fuck!” I flatten my hand over my forehead, a headache threatening to take over. Tears are coming, and my whole nasal cavity and throat ache from holding them back. “I can’t believe this. You’re so wrong about Oli and me.”
“Really? I think you’re keeping him as a backup plan if things don’t work out between us.”
His words are like a punch to the chest. Is this really what he thinks of me? That I’m the kind of woman who would do that? Does he not know me at all?
An overwhelming sadness spreads through my mind, my combativeness slowly leaving me. Despite his promise, he doesn’t trust me. He doesn’t have faith in me.
My whole body is numb, my soul bruised, and my mind aching with conflicting thoughts. I have to get away from him, his judging glare, and insulting words, but I can’t. My pride won’t let me. I’m not going anywhere until he understands how deeply he hurt me.
I stare at him, at how handsome he is, with his hair still tousled from my amorous enthusiasm, his shirt sitting wrong on his shoulders. He’s still the most gorgeous man I’ve ever set my eyes on, but all I see is the humiliation.
“I had to leave yesterday because IknewI’d break his heart. It wasn’t about you, but about losing one of my best friends,” I explain, my voice cracking despite trying to maintain my composure. “Tonight, I was going to tell Oli I can’t ever return his feelings.” I pause, the rest of my confession sitting heavy on my tongue. “I can’t because I’m in love with someone else.”
Lex’s fierce and furious expression crumbles as my words make their way into his brain. Numerous emotions pass in his eyes, including regret, confusion, and uncertainty.
He tries to reach for my arm, but I swiftly avoid it, leaping away. If he touches me, it’s game over.
“Andrea, I—”
“No,” I cut him off. “It’s too easy. You’re going to apologize, to tell me you didn’t mean to hurt me, that you’re sorry… And it will work because life without you doesn’t have meaning anymore. But this goes beyond a forgivable fit of jealousy.”
