"I never meant to hurt you," I said, and the words sounded pathetic even to my own ears.
"I know." She wiped her face with her sleeve, smearing tears across the her sweater. “That's what makes it worse. You weren't trying to be cruel. You were just... you were never really mine, were you? Not completely. Not the way I was yours."
"Maya, that's not true?—"
"Yes, it is." She grabbed her keys from the hook by the door, and the familiar jangle of them made my heart break. How many times had I heard that sound? How many mornings had she kissed me goodbye with those keys in her hand, heading off to save lives while I went to do the same? "You kept her in your heart this whole time. And I was too stupid to see it."
"You're not stupid. This isn't your fault."
"I know it's not my fault." Her voice rose, anger finally breaking through the grief. "I know I didn't do anything wrong. I’ve been a good girlfriend, Cassian. I was patient and understanding and I never pushed you to talk about things you weren't ready for. I thought I was giving you space. It turns out I was just giving you room to keep loving someone else."
She stalked towards the door now, her hand on the knob, and I felt the panic rising in my throat.
"Where are you going?"
“I… I can't do this..." She cried openly, her voice thick with tears she'd stopped trying to control. "I-I… can't stand here and look at you… and pretend my heart isn't breaking."
"Maya, please?—"
"I'll come back for my things when you're at work." She fumbled with the doorknob, her hands shaking too hard to grip it properly. "I can't… I can't breathe in this apartment knowing everything I thought we had was a lie."
"Can we please talk about this? Can we just?—"
"There's nothing left to say, Cassian." She finally got the door open, and the hallway light spilled into the kitchen. "I asked youif you love her and you couldn't say no. That tells me everything I need to know."
Then she left.
I listened to her footsteps fade down the hallway.
I didn't know what to feel.
I sank onto the kitchen floor with my back against the cabinets, my head falling into my hands.
What have I done?
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CALLA
Subject: Mandatory Meeting - Protocol Leadership Review
Dr. Karras,
You are required to attend a meeting in Dr. Patel's office at 8:00 AM regarding an ethics inquiry. Your attendance is mandatory. Please do not discuss this matter with other staff members prior to the meeting.
Regards, Obsidian Hospital Ethics Board
I read it three times,my heart beating faster with each pass.
Ethics inquiry. Mandatory meeting.
What happened?
I showered and dressed, my mind churning through possibilities. Did someone complain about our work on the protocol? Found fault with our methodology? Or questioned our research conclusions?
Or was this about something else entirely?
I arrived at Dr. Patel's office five minutes earlier. Cassian was already there, standing in the hallway outside her door, his face drawn and pale. He looked like he hadn't slept. His hairwas disheveled, his scrubs wrinkled, and there were dark circles carved beneath his green eyes.
