I set the dish towel down, picked it back up, then set it down again.
"She confessed to me," I said.
Maya blinked. "Confess what?"
"That she still has feelings for me."
I watched Maya's face as she processed the words. The confusion faded, replaced by recognition, like she was beginning to understand something she didn't want to reach.
"So you want to be friends with someone who just told you she's in love with you?" She was trying to keep her voice even, but I could hear the strain underneath. "When did this happen? When did she confess?"
I didn't answer.
"Cassian. When?"
"A few days ago. In the stairwell at the hospital."
"A few days ago." She repeated the words slowly. "She told you she loves you a few days ago, and you didn't think I should know about that?"
"I was trying to figure out how to handle it. I didn't want to worry you?—"
"Worry me?" Maya let out a breath that was almost a laugh. "Your ex-wife tells you she's still in love with you, and you thought keeping it from me was protecting me?"
"That's not—I didn't mean it like that."
"Then how did you mean it?" She crossed her arms over her chest, and I recognized the posture. It was how she held herself when she was trying to keep composed. I'd seen it once before, when she'd lost a patient she'd been fighting for weeks. She'd stood in the hallway outside the OR with her arms wrapped around herself exactly like this, holding everything in until she could find somewhere private to break.
I couldn't stand that I was the reason she looked like that now.
"You said a few days ago," Maya continued, her voice calmer. "But her text says 'despite everything.'" She tilted her head, studying me. "What's everything, Cassian?"
I couldn't do this. Couldn't keep peeling back layers of truth while I watched her heart break in stages.
But I couldn't lie to her either. Not anymore.
"We shared a hotel room," I said. "During the district hospital response. There was a mass casualty event, and the facility was overwhelmed. They only had one room available."
Maya went very still, her jaws clenched, and her face drained of color.
She scoffed. "You shared a room with your ex-wife."
"Nothing happened. We slept on opposite sides of the bed. We were exhausted. We needed rest. It was the only option."
"But?"
I closed my eyes. "But we woke up differently than when we fell asleep."
"Differently how?"
"Closer. Our bodies..." I searched for words that wouldn't make this worse and found none. "We ended up tangled together during the night. It wasn't intentional. We were both asleep."
When I opened my eyes, Maya had taken a step back from me.
It felt like a canyon.
"You woke up in her arms," Maya said. Her voice had flattened into something I didn't recognize.
"Yes."
