"Calla Karras, I have known you for two months, and in that time I have never once seen you look anything other than vaguely murderous or professionally neutral. Right now you look almost happy. Something happened."
I sat down on the cot, aware that my face was probably betraying more than I wanted it to. "Cassian and I talked this morning. On the rooftop."
"Talked."
"Yes. Talked. With words."
"And?"
"And nothing. We talked about Daniel's offer. About the past. About what I want."
Mireya was quiet for a moment, studying me through the screen. "Did you figure it out? What you want?"
"No."
"But you figured out something. I can see it on your face."
I thought about the rooftop. The sunrise. The way Cassian had looked at me when he'd said I wasn't running. The pull between us, undeniable and terrifying.
"I figured out that I don't think I ever stopped," I said quietly.
"Stopped what?"
"Having feelings for him." The words tasted strange in my mouth. True and terrifying. "I told myself I moved on. Built a whole life around the idea that we were over. But being here with him, working beside him, I don't know how to pretend anymore."
Mireya's expression shifted from curiosity to concern. "Calla, he's with someone else."
"I know."
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I can't ask him to leave her. I can't tell him how I feel. We tried this once and it destroyed us."
"You tried it when you were both young and didn't know how to choose yourselves and each other at the same time," Mireya said gently. "That doesn't mean it can't work now."
"You sound like a greeting card."
"I sound like someone who watched you two operate together yesterday and saw exactly how in sync you still are." She paused. "Riven told me once that the things that are worth having are usually the things that scare us the most. Maybe this is one of those things."
I wanted to believe her. But believing required hope, and hope felt dangerous when I was carrying secrets that could destroy everything.
"There's more to the story," I said. "Things I never told him. Things that would change everything if he knew."
"Like what?"
I opened my mouth, then closed it.
"I can't," I whispered. "Not yet."
Mireya nodded slowly. "Okay. But Calla? Whatever you're holding onto, it's not doing you any favors. Secrets have a way of becoming heavier the longer you carry them."
"I know."
"And Cassian deserves to know the truth. Whatever that truth is."
"I know that too."
My pager buzzed. Rounds were starting.
