My hand flies to my mouth. ‘Oh, no! Oh, God! That’s awful.’
He nods sadly.
‘Like last time, she doesn’t want it publicized. Even though she seems so confident on the surface, I think she hates the thought of anyone thinking of her as weak.’
I slide my arm around his back, pulling us closer together. ‘I can understand that.’
‘She’s having chemo – well, just finished, actually – and I’ve been keeping her company during her sessions.’
My head swivels so I can look at him. He keeps walking, guiding us. ‘You have?’
‘Yes. I feel a bit ashamed I didn’t tell you about it, now I thinkabout it. You know I said I was helping at Matt’s scout group on Wednesday evenings?’
I nod. I vaguely remember that happening back in what feels like the distant past but was actually only a fortnight ago.
‘Well, some weeks I was with Elena instead.’
I absorb that information as we continue walking. ‘It seems like there’s a lot we’ve been holding back from each other.’
‘Yup.’
‘We probably ought to look at changing that.’
‘Yup. Turns out I was doing exactly the same as I accused you of.’ He sighs, stops and turns to me. ‘I’m sorry, too. I thought I was saving you by not telling you how disconnected I’ve felt for months now, but I think it just made things worse. Elena kept telling me to talk to you, but I ignored her advice … mostly. I thought I was being noble but actually I was just being a wimp.’
‘And how’s she doing – Elena? Is it going okay?’
He nods. ‘The doctors are hopeful. She’s just waiting on the latest set of results.’
‘Perhaps … perhaps we should have her round for dinner sometime soon. If she wants to come, I mean?’
‘Yeah. I think she might like that.’
We smile at each other, and I feel a new warmth flowing between us. ‘Did we just act like a team instead of boxers in opposite corners of the ring?’
‘I think we did.’
I study the locked gate that is now only a short distance in front of us. ‘I think we might need a bit more teamwork to get me over that gate, otherwise I’m going to flash my knickers to half of South East London.’
CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
JESS
Luke’s arm is wrapped tight around my waist, his chest and thighs warm against my naked skin. ‘What time is it?’ I mumble.
He yawns and moves his arm so he can look at his watch. ‘Almost nine.’
I open my eyes. I’m in our bed, in our bedroom, exactly where I’m supposed to be. The million-dollar question is: am IwhenI’m supposed to be?
‘What day is it?’
Luke wraps his arm back around me and nuzzles into my back. ‘Friday.’
Yesterday was Thursday, which means … which means … I almost leap out of bed and do a victory lap around the bedroom, but then something stops me. Is it Friday ‘the day after our anniversary’ Friday, or could it be Friday because I’ve jumped forward another year and it’s the fourteenth of May again, meaning it’s our eleventh anniversary?
As much as I’m pleased that Luke and I are clearly doing better than we were before, I don’t want to keep fast-forwarding through my life. If that happens, I could be dead in a few months! Iwant the chance to live each hard-won day, to savour the love between us.
I swallow. ‘No … I mean what date?’
