A host of waiters are weave through the crowd, offering guests flutes full of fizz. Luke takes two and hands one to me.
‘I’m going to keep this short and sweet,’ Hannah says, garnering another cheer from our gathered friends and family. ‘But we just want to raise a glass to you both on your tenth anniversary. It’s no mean feat to have made it this far. And we love you both so much that I suppose we’ll have to forgive you for being so sickeningly good together.’ She pauses while a murmur of laughter rumbles round the room.
I try not to blush uncomfortably. But it gives me hope. Maybe if that’s what people see from the outside, I’m overthinking everything. I mean, no marriage isperfect. There are always niggles. After ten years, maybe that’s what it’s supposed to be like. I was always one for unrealistic expectations.
‘To Luke and Jess … May the next decade be just as spectacular as the first!’ She raises her glass as everyone else does the same and drinks. ‘And now we can carry on with the party. We thought it might be nice if—’
‘Wait!’ I shout and step up to the podium. Hannah looks surprised but hands the mic over to me as I come to stand beside her. I’m not known as someone who enjoys public speaking, but I feel I can’t let this moment pass without saying something.
‘Thank you, from both of us … ’ I glance at Luke, and he nods at me to carry on, the hint of a smile telling me he’s proud of me for being brave and getting up here. ‘Well, we’d like to say how much we appreciate you all coming and celebrating with usthis evening.’ I glance round at all the smiling faces, each one truly happy for us, and a lump rises in my throat. ‘I can’t imagine a better way of marking this occasion than to share it with the people we love most in the world – that’s you lot. And don’t you forget it!’
There are a couple of whistles and cheers. A couple of my old uni friends blow kisses.
‘That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? I’m starting to realize this as I get older and wiser … ’
‘Whippersnapper!’ Great-Uncle Patrick yells and everyone laughs. But he’s ninety-two, so he’s probably got a point.
I carry on. ‘It’s about this … About family. About friends. Feeling connected with the people we care about. So, thank you again. And I promise I’m going to shut up now and let the DJ play some ABBA!’ I hand the microphone back to Hannah and step down off the podium.
‘No ABBA just yet,’ she says. ‘We thought that first you and Luke might enjoy having a dance to this old favourite … ’ and the strains of Ed Sheeran’s ‘Thinking Out Loud’ begin to play. It was in the charts not long after we got together and kind of unofficially became our song. Hannah had been pressing me for a playlist of songs over the years of our relationship to give to the DJ and now I understand why.
Luke holds out a hand. There’s still a wariness in his eyes, but he’s not looking as stony-faced as he was when we got out of the cab. ‘Mrs Harris … Shall we dance?’
‘I don’t think we’ve got much choice,’ I mutter as I step into his arms. Dancing was my favourite hobby as a teenager but Luke is a bit more challenged in that department, so we just hold on to each other and sway. It doesn’t take long before other couples join us on the dance floor.
As the song ends and another one starts to play, Luke says, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to give you the silent treatment. I was just a bit … I don’t know … ’
It’s okay. I understand what he means. While Luke can spout all day when he’s feeling enthusiastic and happy, he struggles to find the words for more difficult emotions. I’m not sure he even gets to the stage of labelling them inside his own head before he whitewashes over them and pretends they’re not there.
‘I’m sorry too.’
All the anger and frustration leaches away and I lay my head on Luke’s shoulder. He kisses me tenderly on my temple and I close my eyes.
Say something, I silently will him.Say something that lets me know you’re swept away by what you feel for me, that you’d die if you couldn’t be with me. Give me hope for the next ten years.
He draws a breath, getting ready to speak, and my heart leaps softly, just before he whispers into my ear. ‘You know what, Jess?’
‘What?’ I whisper breathlessly.
‘You’re my best friend.’
Oh.
That’s all?
Tears form behind my lids and I blink them away, glad he can’t see them and that I’m hidden by the shadows so no one else can either.
When the song stops, Luke and I peel ourselves apart. ‘I think it’s time to give you your final surprise of the day,’ he says.
My jaw drops gently. ‘There’s another one?’ I suddenly start thinking about the eternity ring I pointed out to him a couple of months ago. He paid attention after all?
He nods, barely able to contain a smile, and takes me by thehand. While the rest of our guests close in on the dance floor, drawn there by ‘Mamma Mia’, he leads me outside, onto the terrace overlooking parkland.
As we move further into the darkness, and my eyes adjust to the light, I realize I was wrong about the terrace being empty. At the far end, a lone figure is standing, hands on the stone balustrade, staring out into the darkness. When she hears us approaching, she turns.
My heart stops. ‘Mum?’
Her smile is nervous and she’s squeezing her hands together in front of her ribs. ‘Hello, sweetheart.’
