A few years later, at an unofficial uni reunion, he’d met up with his old flatmate again, and by that time Felix and Elena had been married. She was still making sculptures Luke didn’t fully understand, but it wasn’t bringing in the money, so she was dabbling in interior design, and he’d asked for her help. They’dalmostended up in business together, flipping houses. That hadn’t panned out, but they’d kept in touch until four or five years ago, and then she and Felix had split up and she’d moved away. Since then, contact has been minimal.
‘This has to be it,’ she tells him, pointing to a white porcelain figurine on a table in front of them. It’s about thirty centimetres tall and slightly abstract, but clearly the shape of a woman. Unlike some of the other pieces in the same range, this one isn’t lying down, as if draping herself onto the shelf. This one looks strong, powerful, with her arm raised above her head in what looks like a punch of victory.
He picks it up and inspects it more closely. It reminds him of Jess a bit. She’s strong and athletic without being bulky. But something about the pose seems a little off. Even so, he cradles it firmly against his chest as they continue to peruse the different displays. He’s got to come away with something, right?
His phone vibrates in his pocket, and he puts the figurine down to check it. Probably his wife, but he’s not in a position to reply right now, so he ignores it, intending to respond once he’s back at the car.
When they finish going round the room full of pots and theirwares, he’s still holding the white porcelain statue. It seems his choice is made for him. There also isn’t any more reason to delay his old friend. He pays for his wares, and she pays for the handful of bowls and vases she’s picked up along the way to decorate her latest project with. They emerge from the barn into the gravel car park, blinking in the bright spring sunshine.
‘It’s been good to see you,’ she tells him softly.
He nods. ‘Yes.’
She regards him for a second and then gives him a slightly awkward hug. Her cheek rests against his shoulder for a moment before she pulls away again.
He’s about to say, ‘Bye, then … ’ but she sighs and fixes her gaze on him. The sun picks out the warm honey highlights in her dark hair. She looks healthy. Vibrant. ‘I’ve missed you,’ she says, letting a sliver of the sadness he sensed earlier seep through her glossy facade.
He’s not quite sure how to respond. He doesn’t echo her words back together, but he wants to say something. ‘It’s been good to see you again.’
She nods, biting her lip slightly, and he can tell she’s understood the almost invisible boundary he’s set down. She smiles, waves, and heads back to her car and he watches her go. It’s only when her BMW sports car has disappeared through the gate and away up the country lane that he admits to himself that he misses her too.
DIAMONDS
Gemstones that have been treasured since early history, which have the highest hardness and thermal conductivity of any natural material. Colourless in pure form, only a few types of impurity can contaminate them, often causing colour changes. One example, perhaps, where the presence of tiny defects makes an item both more beautiful and more desirable.
CHAPTER TWELVE
JESS
Waking up is like slowly floating to the surface from the bottom of a deep, deep ocean. I gradually become aware of my surroundings – the duvet, pleasingly heavy and squashy on top of me, the air cool on the arm that’s flung above my head. Even through my eyelids, I can tell it’s light outside. I exhale and stretch, my right arm reaching across the sheet, but I find the other side of the bed empty.
I frown, too sleepy to crack my eyelids open. And then I remember.
Luke.
Walking out the door.
Maybe walking out of our life together.
I squeeze my eyelids closed and curl into a ball. No. I am not awake. This is not real. I will slide back into unconsciousness, where it all hasn’t happened. I try and will myself to fall back into the dream I was just having where we were only just beginning.
But … Oh, wow. The dream.
It was so weird. I don’t think I’ve ever had one that vivid.
Feeling slightly paranoid, I reach out and investigate thebed again. I’m relieved to find smooth cotton under my palm instead of hard plaster and wallpaper. I’m definitely not in a single bed. But the sheet beside me is cool, and I spiral back into feeling sick. It’s not much of a choice is it? Heartbroken in the present day or confused and bewildered, reliving bittersweet memories from my past. I’m not sure which is worse.
But it doesn’t matter. I’m awake now, so my choice has been made for me.
I stretch, roll over, and sleepily part my eyelids, staring at the white ceiling above me. I lie there for a few minutes, just breathing, trying to work out what to do, where to go.
Where will he be?
At a hotel? Crashing at a friend’s? He might not have wanted to worry his parents about us just yet.
But do I actually want to find him? As much as watching him walk away took all the breath from my body, now the shock of that moment is waning, I’m not as angry with him as I was yesterday. Being reminded of who we were when we were first together has robbed me of that. Crap. It’s much easier to be furious with him than feeling this crushing sense of rejection, the weight of sadness sitting on my chest like a boulder.
But at least I can still be cross about him inviting Mum to our anniversary party. How could he do that? How could he spring that on me?
