‘The weird thing is, I don’t think Simon is evil. I just think he’s lazy. He didn’t put the work in to woo me. Gil did, but Simon wanted to reap the benefits.’
Anjali’s expression becomes pained.
‘What?’ I say.
She blows out a breath. ‘Well, Lars said a couple of things recently I found quite surprising.’
‘Like what?’
‘Like you and Simon had fizzled out a couple of months after you got together. He thought you’d broken up. But then you came back to surprise Simon for Valentine’s Day, and Lars thought you both decided to give things another go.’
I take a moment to absorb this information. It kind of makes sense … It would explain why Simon wasn’t messaging me the same time Gil was, why he was practically ghosting me for a while and then everything seemed to get back on track.
‘That’s not all,’ Anjali says, biting her lip. ‘Lars also said there may have been other girls during that time. Nothing serious, but other girls, all the same.’
I must be numb now, overloaded with too much information, because I receive this calmly. ‘It was a mirage, wasn’t it, my relationship with Simon? I thought it was one thing, and really, it was something completely different. The sad thing is, it was an illusion I created myself.’
‘I think you’re being a little hard on yourself there, babe.’
I shake my head. ‘Of course, I had Simon’s help. But the signs were there now I think about it. I just chose to ignore them, too invested in finding my Prince Charming to give them air. Oh God … my mother was right!’ I shoot a fierce look at my best friend. ‘But don’t you dare tell her!’
Anjali shakes her head vehemently.
I stare at the blank wall as more of the puzzle pieces fall into place. ‘On some level I knew it all, didn’t I? My subconscious was trying to warn me, sending me those dreams where my groom had no face, where he was a man I didn’t know or recognize … And I ignored every one of them.’
‘EvenIwould have said you were being overdramatic if you’d called off your wedding because of a dream,’ Anjali says.
‘I know. I still wish I’d taken it all on board. I suppose I just badly wanted to believe that someone loved me that much.’
‘The person who wrote the messages?’
I nod.
‘That person still exists, you know.’
‘Only in my head, Anj. Yes, there’s a thread of truth in that story, but I cooked up the rest of it myself too. I can’t be trusted when it comes to men at the moment. I really can’t.’
I close my eyes, suddenly feeling very tired. It’s an effort to open them again. ‘Did you see it? Did you think Simon was the same person I did?’
Anjali takes a sip of her hot chocolate and repositions herself on the sofa. ‘I suppose I always saw Simon as a bit too cocky for his own good but like you say, it doesn’t mean he was bad.’
‘But it also doesn’t mean he didn’t do bad things … He let me believe it was Gil who’d given Megan the ket, who’d let her wander off into the park without stopping her. It’s the whole reason I didn’t like Gil after that summer.’ I sigh. ‘It seems Simon’s not the only man I thought I knew but didn’t and, oh boy, how I didn’t …’
‘Which leads us to why you came shooting back up to London early, I guess?’
I nod. But if I was confused about Gil before, I’m doubly so now. How much do I tell Anjali? I can’t really explain everything that went on with Gil without sharing what happened inside my head when I was in a coma, and she’s going to think I’m unhinged.
But I feel so much lighter for having shared what I have already. She’s right. I carry too much on my own, too scared of what other people will think of me if I say everything I’m thinking and feeling. However, if there’s one thing I know after tonight, it’s that Anjali has my back.
‘Okay,’ I say, looking her in the eye. ‘Stay with me for this next bit … It’s going to get a bit weird, but I promise it’ll all make sense in the end.’ And then I take a deep breath and tell her about what happened, starting with standing outside the church doors on the afternoon of the wedding that never actually took place.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT
Present Day
The following morning, I breathe deep and call my mum. She listens patiently while I tell her that Simon and I have called the wedding off and I don’t want to go back and live in the flat with him. Forty minutes later, my stepfather is outside Anjali’s house to pick me up. Emir really is the kindest man and the most soothing presence. He doesn’t ask me any questions as we drive back to Bromley, but exudes serenity and comfort. I feel better just from being in the car with him for the brief journey.
I spend the first day home in bed, binge watching any period drama I can get my hands on. I feel heavy and listless, too exhausted even to cry. But the tears come on day three, and then I can’t stop. I was so arrogant, wasn’t I? So full of myself and my perfect life? And now I’m facing the fact that I may never return to a job I excelled at and I’ve wasted five years of my life on a man who didn’t even respect me enough to be honest with me. The worst thing of all is that I miss a man who also betrayed my trust more than I thought possible.
