I look down at the menu in my hands. ‘You’re not an idiot, Gil.’
‘Yes, I am. For believing you were who I thought you were. For trusting you. With all of …’ He trails off, unwilling to expose himself that much. ‘What I can’t understand is why wait until now to say anything? Why not last month or last week or even when you reached the top of the aisle and you saw Simon and me standing there together? Why couldn’t you have made your decision then?’
I feel a deep sense of shame. Even though he doesn’t know what I know, he’s right. Icouldhave said something a lot sooner, but I was being typical Erin, going along with what everybody else wants, not making any waves, thinking I could sort it all out on my own.‘I’m sorry,’ I mumble again. Because that’s all I can say.
‘And you know what the real cherry on top is?’ Gil unscrews the lid on the vermouth, knocks it back in one go, and grimaces.
‘There are no seats on any flights out of here for the next three days, at least.’
I blink. He’s leaving?
Well of course he wants to leave. Isn’t that what I’ve wanted all along too? I’ve just been so focused on waking up that it didn’t enter my head that I could have bought a ticket and flown out of this awkward situation. He must be really desperate to see the back of me if he’s willing to stump up for a last-minute fare back across the Atlantic.
‘No flights at all?’
Gil screws the lid back on the bottle and lines it up with the rest. ‘Oh, there are flights, but they are all rammed full. Something to do with a storm or hurricane to the north-east of Guadeloupe yesterday, meaning there’s a lot of people wanting to head back to Europe whose flights were cancelled and every available standby seat is spoken for five times over.’
‘I had no idea …’ I suppose we’ve been in our honeymoon bubble, even if it hasn’t been much of a honeymoon.
‘So we’re stuck here …’
With each other,I add silently.
He closes his eyes, and I can tell the same images are flashing through his head that are through mine – us cooped up together in this cottage, studiously avoiding each other, trying to be civil when civil is the last thing we feel.
And then I have an idea.
‘Look … I understand that you’d be on a plane in the next forty seconds if you could,that you can’t stand the sight of me at the moment. But it’s going to be days until we can get out of here and I’ve got all these activities planned—’
‘Are you kidding me, Erin? Seriously?’ He stands up, pushing the chair back from the table with a clatter. ‘You’ve just taken a torpedo to our marriage and you want to do couples massages or go walking through the rain forest hand in hand, playing the part of the perfect happy honeymooners?’
He’s looking at me as if he’d like to blister my skin with the heat of his stare, and I can’t help it. Gil being oh-so-superior and oh-so-right flips all my trigger switches. It always has. Any sympathy I have for him is drowned out by the voices of a thousand old resentments. ‘I know this sounds bonkers, but hear me out before you bite my head off!’
He gives me this supercilious look and waves his hand as if he’s actually giving me permission. I’m tempted to … to … I don’t know what I’m tempted to do, but it’s going to involve blood and pain. And possibly a fall from a great height.
I remind myself that I am the bigger person. Always. I will not let him make me lose my cool. I take a moment and centre myself before starting again, even though my jaw muscles are so tight I can hardly move my mouth to speak. ‘I’m not saying we do thingstogether. I’m suggesting we split the activities. Like, I’ll do the massage and you can do the zip lining, for example.’
Gil stops looking quite so smug. ‘That’s not a bad idea.’
If I weren’t so shocked he’s given me credit for something, that he’s actually agreeing with me, I might feel pleased with myself. I decide to press my advantage, knowing that this plan is the only way either of us is going to survive the rest of our honeymoon with our sanity intact.
‘This way, we won’t be pacing around in this atmosphere of fire and brimstone for the next few days. And then you can get an early flight out, I’ll get the one we booked home, and we never have to see each other again if we don’t want to.’
Gil’s expression had become thoughtful instead of haughty, but now it hardens again. I’ve gone too far, I realize. And I was so close to brokering a fragile truce as well. I shouldn’t have said that last bit, reminding him of our impending divorce … or annulment … or whatever the heck it’ll be.
‘What do you think?’
‘I agree.’
‘About me doing the massage and you doing the zip lining? Because we can switch if you want?’
‘To never having to see you again for the rest of my life.’ The way he delivers it, so seriously, without any of the evil sarcastic humour he usually employs, is an unexpected stab to my heart. I know Gil and I have always squabbled, but no one has ever despised me this thoroughly. And then he twists the knife once more, echoing my own words back to me. ‘If I don’t want to.’
‘I’m going to bed,’ I say, with the most dignity I can muster.
I take long strides towards the bedroom door, but Gil is too quick for me. He gets there first and stands in my way. ‘Not so fast …’
He takes a couple of pillows off the bed and throws them at me. ‘I’m sleeping in here …’ He nods in the direction of the living room. ‘Since you’re so desperate to get away from me, you can take the sofa.’
