He shot her a look that saidYou’re really doing this?then sighed, shook his head gently and launched into a very ‘Ben’ explanation of the situation – no drama, no frills, just a precise and careful rundown of the facts, finishing off with a smile that turned the hiccup into a stutter.
‘It’s just gone eight,’ he said, checking his own phone. ‘Do you mind if I give Willow a call?’
Alice shook her head and waved back at Willow on the video chat when she insisted Ben turn the phone around. But then the begging for a bedtime story came, one of his ‘made up’ ones, and Ben sighed then launched into a tale about a little girl who had a magic hot air balloon that could visit anywhere in the world and proceeded to tell an adventure involving waterfalls so high that they reached the moon,icebergs that contained vast upside-down underwater cities, and a herd of flying unicorns that got lost when the Northern Lights threw them off course.
‘That was so sweet,’ one of the girls sitting opposite said when he’d finished and said goodbye to Willow. ‘I wish my dad had made up stories for me like that when I was little.’
Ben opened his mouth, and Alice wondered if he was going to correct her about being Willow’s dad, but then he just mumbled something and looked out the window.
Alice wasn’t sure her heart was in a totally solid state either. This was more than the baby chick theory, she realised. She might not know her name or her address or her date of birth, but she knew – remembered – what it meant when you sat a few feet away from someone and all you could do wasnoticethem.
That thought brought her up short.
She’d felt this way before.
That meant she’d felt this way about someone else. No, not someoneelse. Just someone. Because that person had been in her life first. And she possibly did still feel that way about them. Everything she was feeling for Ben right now was only an echo.
The Tannoy system crackled to life again. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry to inform you that this service is cancelled …’ and the guard went on to explain that they would have to be evacuated from the train and buses would be provided to take them to nearby towns.
Alice looked across at Ben, feeling more than a little anxious at the announcement.The last station they’d stopped at was Carlisle, and that was only just south of the border with Scotland, which meant they were still hundreds of miles away from London. She hadn’t doubted she’d make it to the rehearsal on time when she’d left Invergarrig, but now she wasn’t so sure.
Chapter Thirty-One
Six months before the wedding.
I TOOK THE Tube to Covent Garden and found one of my usual spots to busk. I hadn’t been coming out as much since I’d moved in with Justin, and probably not at all in the last few weeks – things had just been so busy – but I was due in the recording studio again in three days, and I wanted to practise a piece I’d been learning so it was perfect.
Agnes, an up-and-coming singer-songwriter, had approached me a couple of days after my horrendous lunch with Lo and asked if I’d record a violin section for her new EP. She’d heard about me from a friend who’d been at Justin’s preview.
However, when I’d tried to rehearse, due to the open-plan layout of the flat, it had been hard to find a place where I didn’t disturb Justin, who’d pushed back the sofas in the living room and was trying to choreograph a new dance. We’d agreed to work in shifts, and I’d decided to get out of the flat to give him some peace and quiet. I’d just been about to leave when I’d spotted Octavia on the bed, and it had occurred to me that I could kill two birds with one stone.
I changed what I was wearing before I headed out the door.Justin was so generous. He kept buying me things, especially clothes. I now looked sophisticated, like I belonged with him. That was important to me. I saw women eyeing him up when we went out, the dismissive looks they’d given me when we’d first been together.Too young, too gauche. Obviously just a fling.But now, those same women were starting to take me seriously. It was quite a revelation.
Sometimes, I walked into our dressing room in the mornings, and I’d find an outfit hung up in front of my clothing rail, even down to shoes and accessories. He was so thoughtful.
I left my jeans on – no one would be able to tell they were designer – but removed the silk blouse and exchanged it for one of my favourite T-shirts with a band name on the front, a beret and a collection of chains and bangles I hardly wore any more, including the silver bee pendant, which I hadn’t thrown away, despite the memories attached to it. It was beautiful, really me, and it made me angry to think of getting rid of something I loved because ofhim. So I’d decided to reclaim it, wore it every day for months, deliberately creating new memories with it, diluting the impact of the ones I didn’t want to think about.I don’t need those memories of you any more,I whispered in my head as I raised my hands behind my neck and did the clasp up.I have a new man now.One who wasn’t afraid to stay.
I played to my heart’s content when I arrived in Covent Garden, doing loads of the old favourites and popular classics, and I returned to the flat two hours later brimming with joy and optimism.
The first thing I did when I got inside was to head straight to the dressing room. I’d only just peeled my beret off when I sensed someone standing behind me.Justin choreographed in his bare feet or socks, so he often managed to creep up behind me without me knowing. Well, notcreep, exactly. Just appear, as if out of nowhere.
Even though I’d had a feeling he was there, I still jumped when I turned around and saw him. I laughed, pressing my palm to my chest. ‘You’ve got to stop doing that!’
Justin didn’t laugh with me. ‘What are you wearing? And why are you so late? You’ve been out all afternoon. I was starting to get concerned.’
‘Oh, sorry! I didn’t mean to worry you.’ I gestured to my T-shirt. ‘Thought this was more in keeping with a busking vibe.’
‘You went busking? Without telling me?’
I nodded. ‘I did say I was going out …’
‘But not busking.’
‘No. That was a spur of the moment thing.’ I frowned. ‘Is something wrong?’
His cheeks pulled into a tight smile. ‘No. Of course not.’
We stood there, looking at each other awkward. ‘Well, I’ll just go and hop in the shower, wash the city grime off and get ready to go to Penge.’ It was Dad’s birthday, and the family tradition was to go out for a Chinese to celebrate. ‘You don’t have to come tonight if you don’t want.’ I had a feeling Justin’s palate was a little too sophisticated for The Peking Duck.
