Lo let out a surprised, rather dry laugh. ‘Ouch. We’re going there, are we?’
I ignored her. She knew I wasn’t being funny with her. And I’d rather not get side-tracked off the main subject. ‘Give me one example. One time he hasn’t been anything but nice.’
She thought for a moment. ‘Mum’s gravy. I see the way his nose crinkles a little when she offers it to him. Has he never had Bisto before? What’s wrong with it, anyway?’
‘Nothing!’ I said, knowing we all loved Mum’s roast dinners more than life itself. ‘But you’ve got to remember Justin grew up very differently from us. He’s used to things being a certain way, being …’
‘Better?’ Lo suggested, arching an eyebrow.
‘No.’ I struggled to keep my voice steady. She was starting to irritate me now. ‘Just different.’
Lo sat back and folded her arms. ‘I knew you’d get like this if I said anything.’
I wanted to stand up for Justin, explain how he’d grown up being used to fine dining and the best ingredients, but I also knew that if I said any of this to Lo, it would just cement how stuck up he was in her eyes.
Unfortunately, my sister took my silence for agreement.‘See? You can’t defend him,’ she said, then sighed, and her expression softened. ‘I’m glad you’re happy, Lil, I really am. Please believe that. But that doesn’t mean I have to like him. And I don’t care if he likes me or not, either.’
I glowered at her, but at the same time, I was thinking back to how Justin had been this morning when I reminded him I was having lunch with Lo. A look of irritation had crossed his face, so fleeting I hadn’t really identified it until now.
Okay, so maybe Justin didn’t like Lo either. But considering the vibes she was sending out, it was hardly surprising. I watched her sip her coffee. Couldn’t she eventryto meet me halfway? ‘You’re not really pleased for me, are you? Just because you haven’t—’
‘Oh, now you’re going to tell me I’m jealous – because you’ve got a man and I haven’t?’
‘That’s not what I was going to say.’ But it reminded me of something Justin had said a couple of weeks earlier, and now my mind was running down that track, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
‘But …?’ Lo prompted, reading me as well as she always did.
‘It’s nothing.’ I played with the teaspoon on my saucer.
‘Don’t give me that, Lil. I know when you’re holding something back. He’s said something about me, hasn’t he? About me being jealous of you. Because you’d never think that on your own.’
I swallowed. She’d hit the nail right on the head. And my expression said it all.
Lo looked aghast. ‘You don’t believe him, do you?’
‘No,’ I mumbled, sounding about only ninety per cent convincing.‘But I know it’s been hard for you over the years, with Mum and Dad giving me loads of attention because of my music—’
‘You know that’s never bothered me!’
I nodded. I did. At least, maybe not on a conscious level. But maybe Justin was right. Maybe she’d enjoyed being the centre of attention with all her success at work when I’d dropped out of the Conservatory. He said that maybe, on some level, she didn’t like seeing me doing better again, and she resented him because he was the catalyst for that. I’d told him he’d got it wrong at the time, even though he’d made a very convincing argument, but now … remembering how she talked about him, how she constantly made digs about all the improvements I was making to myself, I was starting to wonder if he was right.
‘I can’t help that we have different gifts, that I have creative talent and you—’
‘Oh, my God! Listen to yourself! You sound just likehim.’
I’d been going to say she was talented in other ways if she’d let me finish, but all my good intentions about having an adult conversation with my little sister evaporated. ‘Well, if you find me – and Justin – that offensive, you don’t have to sit here and eat the rather expensive lunch he’s actually paying for.’
She threw her napkin down and stood up. ‘I’d probably choke on it anyway.’
‘Fine,’ I said, folding my arms.
Lo practically ripped her cardigan from the back of the chair and turned to go, but after she’d taken a few steps, she turned. ‘You know what?’ she said, her eyes filling. ‘I came here today ready to remind you of something. I know you’ve been struggling with feeling like you’re not good enough since Ben the Bloody Photographer did a number on you and you dropped out of music school,and I was going to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with who you are. You don’t have to change yourself for him or anyone, but obviously you’re too wrapped up in him to see straight.’
‘Let me live my life the way I want to, Lo! And if that means putting myself back together with Justin’s help and support, I thought you’d be happy for me rather than all … judgey. If it offends you so much, you don’t have to be part of it.’
Lo no longer looked angry now. She looked hollow, her cheeks drawn. We’d had our squabbles over the years, but we’d never fought like this before.
‘If that’s what you want,’ she said, and her tone was icy, and then she turned and left the restaurant, leaving me staring after her.
