“House of plants?” I echoed.
“The plant nursery,” Alfie corrected.
“You like plants,” William added lamely with a wince.
“To find me a lady…” I could barely wrap my head around this. “You’re going to take me to the Nursery to look for a lady friend, and your mates have sent you as my wingmen?” My mouth suddenly felt dry, tiny vines curling out of my long shirt sleeves to twine down my arms and around my fingers. They pulsed as my head started to pound. “Excuse me,” I mumbled, but made no move to stand.
“For what?” Ben said around another heaping spoonful.
“I have an appointment with the pond out back. My head would like to greet it.” I kept staring at them, blinking.
Segrid burst out laughing, like I’d just said the funniest thing. “He kids, this one. Plant boy has the funnies!”
“Green ain’t kiddin’,” Alfie murmured dryly. He looked offended I didn’t want to be a man under his, erm, wing.
“I could find a woman if I wanted to!” I insisted, faking outrage.
Alfie’s smile grew tight. Wincing a little, he tapped his nose. The nose didn’t lie. Dogs and their stupid noses!
“Theyknow, you know, about your little, eh...” William reminded, furthering my embarrassment and making me want to drag him along with me to greet that pond.
“Stop bringing it up or I’ll gladly murder you,” I barked at him in a low hiss, my words jumbling together. They came out sounding like one long stream of hissed expletives.
“Don’t worry, plant boy. Happens to the best of us.” Ben looked anywhere but at me, which made me think his sweet Penny had encouraged him to say something like that, which brought me to the uncomfortable position that EVERYONE knew.
“Oh? So you suffer from this particular problem?” I asked darkly.
“Of course not.” Ben snorted. Pointing his spoon at Will, he tossed his best friend under the bus with, “But he does.”
Will gasped like Ben had just betrayed him. “I don’t havethatproblem!” Will denied.
“My sunshine has no complaints,” Segrid added with a shrug, then shoved a chunk of bread into his mouth. Of course she didn’t, he was built like a fat baguette below the waist.
“Don’t look at me.” Throwing his hands up and out, Alfie guffawed, mostly at William’s discontent. Hopefully.
This wasn’t making me feel any better. None of this was.
“I hate you all,” I muttered. Picking up my bowl, curling the bowl into my chest, I picked up my spoon, filling it full of chili, and began walking towards the hall. I was one minute away from a happy mouth when Will called, “You have to come with us! We promised we’d take you!”
“Or else what?” I barked back, to a moment of stone cold silence.
“Does anyone really want to find out?” Will huffed out.
Good point.
“Be ready in five!” I shouted back, kicking my bedroom door shut behind me. I mean, it wasn’t an entirely ridiculous idea. Meet someone who had similar likes, and close enough biology. There weren’t many swamp creatures hanging about. We were nearly extinct and tended to keep to ourselves and our own territories. Nymphs were no less easy to come by.
Any creature I might become romantically involved with literally had to be compatible with me in, ahem, a very specific physical capacity. I had no desire to accidentally harm someone. I was large enough as a tall man. As a Marsh Man, I was a beast, and I knew it. I shuddered at the idea of going Marsh and harming my mate.
What if my female was part tooth fairy? Gah. I shuddered at the idea. It was a mixed bag with that lot—you never knew what you might end up with. Tooth fairies could bend light magicks as easily as dark. It all boiled down to lineage and temperament.
Needing to wash that thought away, I shoveled a huge scoop of chili into my mouth and began to chew. A moment later the flavor hit and I froze. “William!!” I bellowed, the sound carrying throughout the house and beyond. “You have two minutes! RUN!”
The sound of hooves clattering and, “Admit it! Mine tastes better!” rang in my ears as I let my shift flow over me. He could run, but he was onmylands. I could find his little nubby tailed ass with my eyes closed.
“Plant boy is Marshing out,” Segrid said with a sniff.
“See?!” Alfie burst out. “Right there! No accent at all and all the words are in order!”
