“I know, sweet girl. She loved you, too. I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect her more. I’ll never forgive myself for not being able to help her that night. It’s all I think about. What I could have done differently. I’m so sorry, Selena.”
There are no tears but the agony in his voice is more than I can bear as we hold each other and mourn the loss of the one woman who meant the world to us.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. What happened was not your fault,” I say, releasing him.
He remains silent, taking his seat once more at the table.
“It’s not always this bad. I—I have days where it doesn’t hurt so much to feel, but mostly I’m a ghost wandering the halls of this house, searching for anything that will bring her back to me. If not for just a little while.”
My heart cracks a little more in my chest and I find it hard to breathe around the pressure building in my chest. Being here, with him, knowing what they did to him. My mother’s memory overloading my heart and mind, it’s all too much.
“Excuse me,” I blurt, pushing from the table.
I rush down the hall to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. I just need a minute to breathe. To collect all the emotions running rampant inside of my heart and mind.
Reaching for some tissue paper, I gather enough to dry my eyes and nose. Being here again has resurrected so many memories. A time in my life when I was the happiest. But with it also comes incredible grief and pain. The memories of that night are still so vivid and lucid. I had hoped that with time they would begin to fade some, at least enough to allow the good ones to prevail, but they feel more prevalent than ever and the pain is just as crippling as it is terrifying.
Opening the door of the bathroom. I hear the echo of Justin’s and Teddy’s voices speaking quietly so I hang a right instead of left and take the back stairs up to my old room. Everything is just as it was when I left.
The dollhouse Teddy built for me sits in the corner. One of my favorite Judy Blume books rests on the bedside table with a picture of my mama holding its place.
I step farther in the room, running my hand across the foot of the bedframe, remembering a time when life was simple. When I was oblivious to the evil of the world.
“Hey,” Justin calls from the doorway. He rounds the foot of the bed to stand in front of me. Bringing his hand to my face, he tilts his head to the side. “You okay?”
I nod.
His eyes hold mine and I can see the uncertainty there. “You sure?”
“It’s all just so overwhelming. Being back here, there are so many things I’ve forgotten,” I say, the tears falling once more. “So many things he took away from me.”
Justin’s hand reaches out to cup my neck, holding my eyes. “I know this is hard for you. The last several days, everything that has happened, but I need you to know one thing right now. No matter what happens, wherever you go, whatever you do, remember—no one can steal that fire out of your soul, the stars from your eyes, or the passion in your heart. Those things belong to you, babe.”
The words tumble from his mouth, crashing into my heart one at a time. Licking my lips, I turn my head to kiss the palm of his hand.
His eyes grow heavier as a grin slides across his face. “You need to lean on someone, you lean on me, but don’t you ever talk about what anybody took away ever again, because I promise you, I’ll give it all back.”
“You have already given so much.”
“I’m nowhere near done. Come on, Teddy wants to show you something.”
Justin leads me back into the kitchen where Teddy is waiting, his arms open wide. Releasing Justin’s hand, I rush into those arms, finding the same comfort and love that has always been. That will forever be. There is only one man who could ever be a father to me and it’s Teddy. He smooths his hands over the top of my head as the tears fall onto his plaid shirt. “Would you like to see her?”
Lifting my head, I blink up at him. “She’s here?”
“I had her buried out back, on the edge of the property.”
A sob tears from my lips as I hug him tight once more. “Yes, take me to her please.”
Teddy tightens his grip on me, kisses the side of my head and whispers, “I’ve waited for this. I’ve waited so long to reunite the two of you.”
Releasing his hold, I slide out of his warm embrace, reach for Justin’s hand, and the three of us walk outside, toward the old oak tree I used to climb as a child, its trunk and branches have grown thicker with time and the abundance of leaves offers plenty of shade to the stone monument below. Teddy and Justin stay behind as I press forward, falling to my knees in front of her grave. An angel sits on top, the large expanse of her wings cradling the words engraved across the piece of black granite, etching themselves across my heart.
Beloved mother and loving wife
A silent thought, a secret tear,
Keep her memory ever dear.
