When she’s finished giving her all thelovin’s,as she likes to call it, she sets her back down on the blanket and we both take a seat on either side of her. I begin unpacking Caroline’s snacks and refilling her sippy cup.
“So how’s the new place?” I ask, anxious to hear all about the good things happening in her life. We speak on the phone a few times a week but it is hard to find the time to catch up face-to-face.
She sighs. “I’m so damn tired. We finally got everything unpacked but it’s funny, now that we live together, we hardly see each other. I work all the time and go to school and he’s been pulling double shifts at work. It’s been stressful but we’re trying to find time for each other. Even if it is in the middle of the night,” she finishes with a wink.
It’s amazing to me, after all of this time, how much in love they still are with one another. I’m envious of her sometimes, not only of her freedom but because she gets to be with the man she truly loves.
“How’ve you been? I bet this little munchkin is keepin’ ya busy,” she says, giving Caroline a belly tickle.
“Lord yes, she’s into everything.”
We both laugh.
“She definitely keeps me on my toes,” I say. “The other day I found her coloring on her bedroom wall. Thank goodness for magic erasers.”
“How are things going between you and Dean?”
I’ve confided in Rachel some, but she doesn’t know everything. She knows Dean hates Linc but I haven’t told anyone about his terrible mood swings.
He says it is stress. He does work a lot. There are days when I won’t see him at all except when he climbs in bed at night and even there, the connection between us is strained. But I keep telling myself that is normal. It’s hard to balance family and work and still make time for each other.
“We’re doing our best to make it work.”
Her brows bunch together as she studies me carefully while Caroline jumps and climbs all over her lap. “Are you happy?”
“Most days.”
Caroline brings so much joy to my life and she makes the lonely days and nights bearable, but sometimes I find myself wondering what could have been. I feel ashamed for even thinking it because I wouldn’t trade my daughter for anything in the world, but there are moments I ask myself if this is where I am meant to be.
“Have you talked to Dean about going to Nashville with us? Linc talked to Will last night and he’s so excited for us to come. This show is a big deal. It sold out in less than an hour.”
I shake my head, agony squeezing my heart. “No, not yet.”
“Sylvie, it’s two weeks away. You need to talk to him.”
“I will,” I lie again.
There’s no way Dean will let me go even though I desperately want to.
“You better. It won’t be the same without you, and Linc will be heartbroken.”
That will make two of us.
We move on to other topics and before I know it…it’s time for her to go back to work.
“Listen, I better go. I need to run by the post office for Dad before I head back.”
“Okay.”
After smothering Caroline with hugs and kisses, we get to our feet and she pulls me in for a hug. “Talk to him tonight, Sylvie. I mean it.” She kisses my cheek then smiles. “Call me later.”
I sigh, wondering if it’s even worth the fight. I know Linc is worth it but I also know my husband, and I know what he’ll say. I just need to find a way to tell Linc I’m not coming to what could be the biggest night of his life without him hating me for it.
Once I have Caroline settled for her nap, I sit staring at the phone for the next half hour before I finally work up the nerve to call him.
“Syl,” he answers in a low, husky voice, dragging out the L. His familiar greeting slips into my heart with great heat, depositing an ache almost impossible to contain.
“Hey,” I say quietly, lying back on the couch with a throw pillow clutched to my chest, but it does absolutely nothing to staunch the longing I feel.
