Next to being inside of Cassidy, nothing ever felt as good as surfing. Honestly, while they both gave me an incredible high, there was no comparison. One fed my heart.
The other consumed it.
Her brown eyes held mine. “Trust me,” she whispered softly, and my heart gave in, knowing it would do anything for her, even if it meant facing my worst fears.
I changed into a pair of board shorts, my hands trembling as I tied them. Then when I came out, Cassidy took my hand in hers and led me over to Reef’s to collect our borrowed boards.
I grunted when he handed me a dinged up fish.
“Sorry, dude. It’s all I got.”
I would have preferred a shortboard but this would do for now. I was just glad it wasn’t a longboard.
As Cassidy led me down to the water, my hesitation grew. I wasn’t sure of what to expect and for a split second I thought about turning back, but then she looked over her shoulder with that wild smile and those trusting eyes and I couldn’t help but follow. I would follow her to the ends of the fucking earth. I wanted to live in that light, drown myself in it.
If only for a little while.
Before, when I hit the water, there was usually no thought at all. I just went in and left it all there when I came out. Surfing had been an escape for me for so long. To me, it is one of the best sports in the world. Endlessly creative. Mesmerizing. It’s also a sport anyone can do, no matter age or gender.
Surfing is a sport you fall in love with. So coming back to it now was like coming face-to-face with an old lover, scary as fuck and a little intimidating.
Cassidy’s fingers curled around my arm, giving me a gentle squeeze of encouragement. She didn’t say anything but her eyes screamedyou can do thisand for the first time in seven years, I believed I could.
The sky appeared brighter, the water somehow bluer. All of the gray that had consumed my life had color once more.
Because of her.
The waves licked my toes. The familiar scent of salt and board wax nudging all of my senses to life. My feet began to move as I put the board to water and paddled out. I negotiated the waves, bringing more and more eagerness as I duck dived under each one. I continued this for a while, gauging the strength of the waves, waiting for just the right one.
My heart raced when I found it.
I paddled faster, springing up and dragging my front foot forward to position myself on the deck. All of my instincts immediately kicked in, guiding each maneuver. The wave broke, white water chasing me like an angry beast as I ripped through the face.
I tried to stay focused but my mind betrayed me, and the memories came flooding back, followed by the pain, the grief, and the endless regret.
I toppled over headfirst, skipping across the water so fast there was no way to stop the impending doom that lie ahead or escape the carnage of my past.
Icould tell Reid was even angrier now than before we went out into the water. Maybe pushing him wasn’t the best idea, but how else would he ever overcome this? He’s been carrying it around for far too long. The pain of losing Bodie will never go away, it only gets easier to live with.
I’ve accepted that.
It was time Reid did, too.
My heart ached as we walked back to the house after returning Reef’s boards. When he wiped out, I’d quickly made my way over to him to make sure he was all right but all I got was a lot of cussing and grunting, and an order to get my ass out of the water and back up to the house.
I had wanted to argue and defy him, but I decided against it. He needed me right now. Even if his stubborn ass wouldn’t admit it. And truth of the matter was, I needed him, too.
Besides, we needed to talk. Ever since he’d picked me up at Mike’s last night, he’d been quiet.
Different.
I wasn’t sure what it was and part of me didn’t want to dig fearing he would close up even more. He’d shut me out and it hurt like hell that he didn’t trust me enough to share what was bothering him.
“Reid, please talk to me,” I begged as we entered the house.
There was a stack of towels I’d folded earlier on the kitchen table. Reid grabbed one and made his way toward the bathroom. “Just leave it alone, Cass.”
“Why are you doing this? I love you. Can’t you see that? You can tell me anything.”
