Before I realize it, I’ve crossed half the stage. Settled on a barstool that wobbles when I sit. It feels fitting to end this concert in the same place it was supposed to start—under a bright light and a sky full of stars.
I glance to my right. A ways off the stage, I spot Todd. He’s clutching his headset, one foot in front of the other like he’s waiting for the call from the MD to end this whole thing. I nod at him.It’s okay.
It’s time. I can’t hide anymore.
The standing microphone is a few feet from where the stool ended up. I drag it closer. With zero thought or preparation, I do what I should have done a long time ago.
“Twenty-seven years ago, I fell in love with country music. Right about the same time I was diagnosed with an auditory processing disorder. As a child with a disability, I was called every name you can think of—stupid, worthless, insignificant. Unless I was singing, I was struggling. I hid behind my talent and learned to be someone who was liked for the one thing they could do well instead of everything they couldn’t. Someone I love recently said: Be yourself and the people who love you will stay, the ones who don’t were never meant for you. She tried to make me see my disability in a new light. Teach me that it’s okay to be different. I owe all of you an apology. I’m sorryfor not being honest. For being afraid to show who I really am. The thought of losing this career I love was not something I wanted to face. But there’s a little girl waiting for me at home who deserves a dad who can be proud of who he is. So, no matter what happens tonight, if this is the last song I ever play on a stage, this one’s for Summer and Quinn.”
I prop my foot on the rung of the stool and seat the waist of the guitar against my thigh. One strum and the soulful chord rings out in the nighttime air. One by one, thousands of flickering dots fill the stadium as the lights dim. A hush spreads as I start to sing.
Used to dream about being somebody else
Changing my name and zip code
Used to worry ’bout everyone finding out
Hiding through a microphone
But the moment we met, I just cared less and less
’Bout keeping everything inside
What kind of harm would it do
If everybody always knew
’Bout the struggles I was trying to hide
It’s easy to show the kind of things we share
Like who we love and how much we care
My favorite car and your favorite flowers
You and I, we can talk for hours
But you’re never gonna open up
If scars aren’t something you’re proud of
The thing about sharing hearts the right way
Be yourself and the good ones will stay
I can hear the words getting all jumbled up
Scared I’m gonna let it all show
Not making sense in my head or my heart
When I’m worried somebody will know
But my time spent with you
Fills my world with something new
A sound I can’t seem to ignore
