That bastard threatened her because of me.
Anger and speed—a volatile combination—build in equal measure.
“Take five,” Steven says, halfway through the first verse.
Drums, bass guitar, piano all fade from the background.
No. No. No. Why are they stopping?
I lift an index finger, rotating it in an aggressive fashion above my right shoulder.I got caught up in the moment; I’m fine,the gesture says.
Prolonged silencefollows.
Denial.
“Rh-e-tt.” My one-syllable name chops through my IEM in three.
I toggle on the talkback switch of my beltpack to respond. “Play it again!” My music director gets a warning through gritted teeth.
The audience gets a smile. They hear nothing.
Anger.
Millions of dollars in funding. Months boiled down to this moment. I’m not spoiling it on another false entrance.
I cross the stage in confident strides. Make it look intentional when my purpose is to confront Casey whose drumsticks are frozen in his lap. He’s thinking the same thing I’m sure every other person in the crowd is—What is going on right now?
He knows the drums open this song. He’s the one I need to make listen to me.
“Play it again, and I’ll give you a solo at the end of the set,” I barter.
Casey is cocky. I put up with his ego because he’s the most talented drummer I’ve ever come across. A guy who would jump at the chance to perform in the spotlight for a crowd this size.
Bargaining.
A whisper breaks out and carries in a wave across the U-shaped stadium.
Casey’s still staring at me. Challenging me with a look that says he’s not going to do this. He doesn’t care about a solo. His reputation is already on the line with the spectacle this long pause is causing.
Reality sinks in.
This is it.
This is over.
This is the end of Rhett Dawson.
The pressure in my chest is so tight now there’s nowhereelse for it to go but up. Up, up, up. Until it’s stinging my lower lash line. Pain choking every last shred of hope I had left.
I’ll never do this again.
I wasn’t enough.
Depression.
I turn and face the crowd one more time. The rush of euphoria, the sound of their praise, all gone.
My steps slow as I leave Casey’s side, weighed down by defeat and loneliness. I don’t know where I’m walking. I don’t know what to do now.
