It takes a minute for the crease between her eyebrows to soften. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” she says.
A rush of relief follows her answer.Okay.Now for the hard part of the conversation. I reach for her hands, as if touching her will make this easier to get out.
“Summer… when I get back we’re?—”
“I know.” She forces a weak smile. “It was always the plan, right? Five weeks and then move back to Nashville?”
“Yes, but?—”
“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m going to be fine.”
After struggling to trust herself, I should be proud of her confidence. Instead, it stings to hear her sound so sure of herself. It reiterates my worst fear where she’s concerned: I need her more than she needs me. Vulnerability is still so new to me, but I won’t hold back if it means I might lose her.
“I’mnot going to be fine,” I admit. “I can’t picture our days without you in them. I don’t want to. I want you to come with us.”
I’m asking for a lot here—a cross-country move away from the people she cares about, and a life she may not have imagined for herself. It’s selfish, I know, but what else am I supposed to do when I can’t be the one to stay here. My career won’t allow it.
Tears spring to her eyes as she presses a kiss to my mouth. “I can’t. But I want you to know that spending time with you and Quinn has been the best job I’ve ever had. The very best.”
Pain twists the muscles in my forehead. “Is that all this was then? A job?”Because it’s meant everything to me.
“Of course not! That night in your studio when you asked me why I didn’t go on the date… it was because I wanted to be here more than anywhere else.” She presses her palm to my chest. “But if I were to move with you right now, I’d be back to relying on another man to take care of me. I need to know I can take care of myself first.”
“You don’t have to live with us,” I’m quick to add. “You can have your own place there.” It’s an empty argument though if it means she’s still nannying Quinn. When she said she didn’t want to rely on a man, I have a feeling she meant she doesn’t want her income coming from me.
“Emma needs me at the law firm for a little while longer. So does my résumé. And Julia is in the middle of her nursing program. She’s been so good to me. I owe her this—to stay and help with Henry.”
I want so badly to tell herI’mthe one who needs her. That I want her to be mine. But I promised myself I wouldn’t put her in a box. And even now, after I’ve already decided it’s what’s best for me, it’s hard admitting the truth. That I need time on my own just as much as she does. To start therapy and heal from my past.
When she grips my neck and kisses me again, I let her, even though it wrecks me. My head screams for distance, but my heart wantsher. Patience is all I have.
“Then I’ll wait for you. You go be the badass, independent woman that you are, and I’ll wait.”
“I’ll be dreaming about that day,” she says through her tears.
Me too, I think, but it hurts too much to say out loud. All I can do is hold her while a long silence draws out between us.
“It feels unfair that you know something so personal about me,” she finally jokes.
A choked laugh tumbles from my lips with that familiar phrase. I know she said it to break the tension, and because I didn’t say anything back, so I lean into her lighthearted tone. I ease her against the carpet until her hair is fanning around her shoulders, a smile dancing in those big blue eyes. “You’re killing me in this dress, you know that, right?” I trace the neckline with my pointer finger.
“Well…” Her top teeth snag her bottom lip. “You said I should be seen in it.”
I shake my head, inching closer to her mouth. Mint and chocolate from the Andes brownies we had after dinner swirl in the breath I pull from her exhale. “I think I said you’re about to be seen out of it.”
Her eyes heat. “So, see me out of it.”
Before my mouth closes over hers the words are right there… on the tip of my tongue… on the edge of that cliff. I jump off and letthem consume me.
“I love you, Summer.”
Thursday morning comes faster than I hoped it would. I could barely bring myself to leave the bed this morning with Summer in it, let alone stand here on the front steps preparing for the goodbye I’ve been dreading.
I squat to be eye level with Quinn, grabbing her hands. “I’ll be back in a few days, okay?”
