“Wait. We don’t have to do this,” he says. “I didn’t mean?—”
“I know what you meant. I want to,” I say.
“But I wasn’t expecting… I mean, I don’t have…”
I drop my hands to my sides. “Oh.”
He cradles my face. “But I can go get one, if you’re sure.”
I nod. “I’ve never been more sure about anything.”
He weaves his fingers into the curls of my hair, leaving me with a breathless kiss, before he pulls away.
“I’ll be right back then,” he says.
I watch him disappear through the sliding door and breathe a sigh of relief as my head fights to catch up to my heart. I slide my back down the drywall, and chiffon fabric pools at my feet.
The longer he takes the higher the brick tower of nerves build, too tall to fit in the small space of my chest.
I’ve never done this before.What if he has, and I don’t measure up?
I close my eyes and listen for a sound to distract me. It’s the brush of the oak tree leaves I hear first. After the accident, I used to lie on my bed and listen to them rustle, longing for the day when I could climb them instead of just pretending.
Those same limbs now wave in the wind. The light on the porch reflects off them and casts dancing shadows on the wall by the bed. That same yearning comes back, but it’s for a different reason this time. Not for what I can’t have, but what I can.
A tall figure jogs across the lawn, and I jump to my feet.
“Sorry that took me so long,” Miles says, fumbling his way through the sliding door.
My eyes flit to the foil wrapper tucked in his palm, and my hands start to shake at the sight of it. Iwantto do this, but I’m also terrified of being this vulnerable with another person.
Miles reaches for the comforter on the bottom bunk, jerking it from where it’s tucked in. “Are you cold?”
He wraps me up in it and runs his big hands up and down the backs of my arms.
“I think just nervous,” I stutter, dropping my gaze to the floor.
He presses a kiss to my forehead and holds me until my body calms down.
“I’m nervous, too,” he says.
I jolt my head up to look into his eyes. “You are?”
He palms my face, and a look of disbelief knits his eyebrows together. “Of course I am.”
My shoulders sag. “Then we can be nervous together?”
He pulls back further and tips his head at an angle. His eyes bounce over every plane of my face. “I meant what I said; we don’t have to do this tonight. Just getting to hold you like this will always be enough for me.”
He tucks me under his chin, and I melt against him. That gesture alone makes me feel safer than anything I’ve ever experienced. I could drown in the shelter of his arms.
Standing on my tiptoes, I breathe into the collar of his shirt. It’s open just enough that the top of his chest peeks through, and I place a kiss there. Feeling braver, I nudge my nose against his bare skin, drawing the neckline of his dress shirt a little lower, planting another kiss below his sternum.
“You smell good.” I sigh.Like spearmint gum.
He drops the blanket from around me and runs his hands up the back of my dress until they tunnel in my hair.
“You feel good,” he whispers in my ear. His hand fists in the tangle as he kisses me again, taking his time.
