She snorted softly, with bitterness. “Nay, but I will if that is what you wish.”
His gaze lingered on her for a moment. “You and your father are not close?”
“Not even a little.”
“You dislike him?”
“I have no real love for him if that is what you are asking,” she said. “He has never been particularly kind to me. I was not born a male and, in his opinion, that was a terrible sin.”
Essien was coming to understand the situation a little. “Are we betrothed because he wants to be rid of you?”
She nodded. “Aye,” she said. “But more than that, I suspect an ulterior motive.”
“What is that?”
“He wants a grandson to carry on his legacy,” she said simply. “When I bore two daughters, he did not speak to me for years until my husband died. Then he had no choice because I had nowhere to go. My lord… I am afraid you are caught up in my father’s ambitions.”
Essien could hear the genuine sorrow in her voice. She was quite apologetic for her father and his actions, a man that Essien only knew through the eyes of Christopher.A wise man, a fair man,Christopher had always said. But that wasn’t what Essien was hearing from the man’s daughter.
Every man lets us see of himself what he wants us to see.
Harald was evidently a man who was more concerned with perception than truth.
“Every man has ambitions,” he said after a moment. “That is nothing new. That is how the world of men functions, each to his own ambitions and gains. You needn’t apologize for that.”
She shrugged. “I feel the need,” she said. “You do not wish to marry, do you?”
“Do you?”
“I asked first.”
The corners of his mouth turned up, a hint of a smile as he shook his head and averted his gaze. “Nay,” he said honestly. “To be truthful, it is not that I never wish to marry. I simply hadn’t thought of marrying now, at this time in my life. It is an old argument between my brother and me. Given the fact that we are the only two survivors of the royal family of Kitara, he feels strongly that it is my duty to marry and have sons who bear the blood of Kitara.”
“Is your brother married?”
Essien nodded. “Aye,” he said. “He already has one child, with another on the way, so he feels that he is an expert in all things having to do with marriage and children.”
There was some annoyance as he said it. Catalina could hear it. With a sigh, she pulled the cloak around her more tightly, against the damp night, and gazed up at the stars.
“Having children and a marriage does give you a different perspective in life,” she said softly. “It teaches you things.”
“Like what?”
She looked at him, then. “Like thinking of your children before yourself,” she said. “Like attacking a man you thought was trying to harm them. It makes you think more of your family than yourself.”
He smiled faintly. “I can understand that,” he said. “But you have not answered my question.”
“What question?”
“Do you wish to marry?”
She averted her gaze again. “Since you were honest, I suppose I can be also,” she said. “Nay, I do not wish to marry again. Once was enough. More than enough.”
“Because you loved your husband?”
She shook her head even before he’d finished the question. “There was nothing as fragile as love in our marriage,” she said. “It was a business arrangement. A contract. Alfred came from agood family, a family with property and money, and his father and my father were great friends. When I was old enough to marry, I did. We spent ten years together. Ten years and two daughters and memories I’m happy to leave in the past.”
Essien watched her face as she spoke. There was no self-pity there, simply fact. “It was an unhappy marriage?”
