“So, you’ve been pretending this whole time?”
“Yes. Sort of. But I wasn’t pretending to care about you,” he said, quickly. “That part is real. It’s never changed, Naomi. I’ve cared and wanted to tell you in person but, I’m not the guy you first started talking to. I thought I could become him. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you at first. I needed time to figure out how to be who you wanted. Except, I think that’s impossible. He died that night in the parking lot. I can’t get him back…and I’m not sure I want to now.”
I raised a brow, shocked at the confession and sad at the lonely tone of his voice. “Why not?”
He hesitated for a moment, biting the inside of his cheek as he gathered his thoughts. “Because I’m here now. I’ve become someone else. And I want a shot at this life. I know this must sound weird and stop me if I’m confusing you.”
“Don’t stop,” I urged him because he needed to say this. And I needed to hear it.
“It’s selfish of me, but I feel like I’ve been given this chance.” He blew out a nervous breath. “A do-over where I can be whoever I want. And what I want is to be with you.”
My heart pounded against my chest. I could feel my eyes stinging from tears that I tried to blink away.
“You’re the first and only person who made me feel safe since I woke up,” Finn said. “I was terrified and alone and then I went into your stream and heard your voice and my body reacted. It knew you and trusted you instantly. I couldn’t lose you. I know, I might lose you now. You deserved the truth regardless of what I was feeling. I just… needed time to work through everything. If I could take that part back, I would. But I don’t regret a single message I’ve sent. No regrets about our kiss and the time we’ve spent together. Naomi, I’d never regret a second with you because everything was worth it. Just to see your smile…damn, your fucking smile. Sorry. I’m supposed to keep this clean.”
I laughed then. Even though a part of me was still angry, I couldn’t help it. “Why?”
He straightened his shoulders, relieved at my calm response. “Henrik recommended I not curse because it could come off as aggressive. And since I’ve already kept something from you for so long, he thinks it’s best I am open and approachable. But you do have a fucking amazing smile. It doesn’t feel right not to use stronger language to describe it.”
I laughed again because he sounded like Mid. He always had, now that I think back. I didn’t want to see the parallels. Didn’t want to have to choose and lose one.
“Finn, I hate being lied to,” I said, my smile fading. “It’s something my mom did to me most of my life.”
The color drained from his face. “I understand. It’s…unforgivable. I don’t expect anything from you, Naomi.”
“It’s forgivable,” my whisper made him look up and met my gaze again. “Depending on the circumstances. The offender. And the right amount of time.”
“Is it silly to feel hopeful about those words?”
I shook my head and dared to move closer. “It’s not silly. Look, I trusted you. You were my person and when you didn’t show up that night, I hadn’t felt that alone in a long time.”
I paused for a second because the tightening in my throat was back. As I tried to compose myself, Finn kept quiet, listening without looking away.
“And then, you showed back up in my life. But you didn’t want to meet. I thought I was fine with it. That I could wait. I kept waiting for something and it felt like it’d never happen. Except you’d been here all along. I’m mad at you for not telling me sooner. I’m angry that you knew how I wanted to meet you but kept your distance. Most of all, I’m sad I couldn’t be there for you during your recovery. You were anxious about coming back to school. I’ve been downstairs this whole time, wondering if I should avoid you for the rest of the semester. If I learned anything from losing my mom, it’s that wasting time is the worst feeling. You can’t fix that.”
Finn pressed his lips together, giving me a solemn nod. I closed the remaining space between us. When I grabbed his hand, his skin felt warm. I brought his palm to my cheek and pressed it against me. His eyes softened with surprise and relief.
“You can’t make it up,” I whispered.
“I know. I’m sorry, Naomi.” He nodded, stroking my cheek. “If I had to go to hell and back, I would. To fix this, I’d do anything.”
“You won’t do something like this again, will you? Lie to me?”
Finn frowned. “Never,” he promised.
I pressed my forehead against his. “Good. You’ll get a chance to prove it.”
“Will I?” He cupped my other cheek, holding my face with both hands.
“Yes.” I gripped his wrist, wanting to keep him close. “I’m not wasting any more of our time. Being with you still scares me and I don’t know how much I trust you, but I still want to try. You’re too important to me to not try, Finn.”
He kissed me then. His lips felt hot and desperate against mine. A kiss wouldn’t wipe away the pain, but it got pretty damn close.
Finn parted my lips with determination, trying to show me he meant business. I moaned against his mouth as he bit my bottom lip. When I needed to catch my breath, he moved to kiss other parts of my face. His teeth raked against my neck between licks and sucks. I whispered for him to not stop, and he whispered promises back.
“I’m going to give you everything you need, Naomi.” He was out of breath. Finn forced the words against my skin between kisses. Every syllable felt like a tattoo. “Everything you want.”
“I want you,” I promised through a heavy breath. “Just you, Finn.”
