He paused, pulling back for a second. My brow furrowed as I met his gaze.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Nothing. You said want me and I couldn’t help but think…which version?”
I laughed. “This one. The one in front of me. The one you’re becoming. You might not be the same, but these past few months, I fell for you. I want your version.”
When he kissed me this time, it was gentler than before. His touch made me feel safe. No, I couldn’t give him my complete trust, but we were on the way to it. From how he handled me with such care, I felt like we’d get there one day.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Naomi
Celesteofferedtodomy makeup.
“It’s a re-do date,” I said. “So, I kind of want to do the same make-up I had on before.”
My friend nodded with a smile. “You got it. I love a good cat-eye.”
I sat on the pastel stool in front of her vanity and closed my eyes so she could get to work. This felt like old times. Her room had looked the same since middle school—save for switching out boy band posters with film prints. Celeste loved any and everything feminine and her frilly décor showed it. The air smelled of her trademark lavender candle. As I recounted Finn’s confession, she listened with respectful hums.
“What are you thinking?” I asked, opening the eye she hadn’t drawn on yet.
“I’m thinking you were quiet for days when he didn’t show up the first time.” She pulled away a little to look me in the eye. “I’ve never seen you like that.”
I looked down, ashamed of the memory. “I know. But that’s not happening again.”
Celeste tilted my head back up so she could continue applying the liner. “I hope not.”
“It only happened that time because…” I cleared my throat. This needed to be said. It felt like the longer I avoided it, the stronger the feeling got. “I put so much faith in him and I hadn’t done that since my mom, you know?”
Celeste’s fingers stopped for a second. “I don’t know. Not really.”
“Right.” I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. “Because I never talk about it.”
“But you could.” She pulled away again and kneeled in front of me. “You’ve listened to me complain about my anxiety a billion times. I’m in debt. Let me pay you back.”
“Friendship doesn’t work like that.”
“It doesn’t work like how you’re going about it either,” she argued in a firm tone. “You keep smiling and keep trying to make people happy, not taking yourself into account.”
I pressed my lips together, trying to dissect the hardness in her tone. “Does that annoy you?”
It used to make my mom furious. She’d go on rants whenever I was positive on rainy days. But, once true darkness came around, she begged me to help her see the light. I learned how to be happy all the time just in case she needed a pick me up. The best practice I had was being happy for others, too. At this point, it was part habit, part gift, and part curse.
“No, God, no.” Celeste shook her head, her features softening. “I’m lucky to have a friend like you. I don’t think I would’ve survived this long if I didn’t.”
“Don’t say that,” I whispered as I remembered one of her more difficult patches.
“It’s true.” She shrugged, not seeming too bothered by the past. “Naomi, I love how you look at any situation and figure out how to shine through it. I’ve learned so much from you. But I wish you were comfortable enough to be sad and mad sometimes and show it to the people who care about you.”
I nodded. “It’s…a work in progress.”
Celeste gave me a small smile. “I hope so. And I hope you know I’m here if Finn ever tries something like he did last time. Guys are nice and all, but we’re going to outlast them. Metaphorically and literally—their life spans don’t match ours.”
I laughed, and she joined in. She pulled out mascara and gestured for me to look up.
“There you are,” Celeste whispered as she pulled away. “Beautiful, as always.”
