MidQuest: Do I?
Chai03: Haha, hilarious. I’m being serious right now. I need your advice.
MidQuest: Fine. But I don’t think your roommate hates you.
Chai03: You don’t see how he looks at me.
MidQuest: No, but you’re a very hard person to hate.
Chai03: You’re sweet. You’re biased, but I’ll take what I can get at this point.
MidQuest: Don’t jump to conclusions. Whoever this asshole is, he’s probably nervous or shy or dense. Maybe all three. Whatever it is… It’s. Not. You.
Chai03: It. Probably. Is.
I smiled at his eye roll emoji. Despite my insistence, Mid was making sense. There could be a long list of reasons Finn gave me the cold shoulder.
MidQuest: Repeat after me:I don’t care what this guy thinks. It doesn’t matter what he thinks. Because I’m incredible, and better than him. He’d be lucky to have me as a friend.
Chai03: I don’t care. I’m cool sometimes.
MidQuest: Eh, close enough.
Chai03: LOL, it was too much to type. Sorry.
I heard Henrik and Lincoln’s voices nearing. Finn moved closer, too.
Chai03: I have to go. Talk to you tonight, right? Community Minecraft? I’m excited about finishing our house.
MidQuest: Wouldn’t miss it. Enjoy your day. And message me if you feel nervous about your likability again. I’ll pull you back over the edge.
Chai03: Thanks. I can always count on you.
Chai03: You know you can do the same? Message me if you’re on the edge. Anytime. Day or night. Rain or shine. Maybe we could even try voice chatting sometime? If you’re comfortable, of course. I just think it’d be easier to talk.
I felt a little lightheaded as I anticipated his response to my invitation. The guys all got into the car and Mid still said nothing. I clicked on my seatbelt as Finn turned on the engine. Instead of trying to jump back into conversation with him, I turned to look outside. I’d give talking a break for now. Mainly because I was now anxious about my message.
Mid and I never discussed meeting up after he went dark. Mostly because our first failed attempt embarrassed both of us. He felt awful for standing me up and I felt awful I waited for him until the sun came up. We didn’t bring up IRL things. Even voice chatting was off the table for him. Before the failed meet-up, he was open to the idea. But afterward, something changed. He wouldn’t say, and I never pushed. Now, my last message felt a little pushy.
The vibration of my phone in my lap made me jump. My stomach twisted as I unlocked the screen.
MidQuest: Sure, I’ll think about it.
Chapter Ten
Finn
Therewasnoquestionabout it. Naomi was Chai, and I was already fucking this up. I needed to get better at this talking thing and fast.
After my accident, I had to start over in more ways than one. Each day felt like I was re-learning something that came naturally to most people.
In the beginning, I tried to watch those around me and imitate how people interacted. I couldn’t read them well, though. The things I heard weren’t the things they meant. And what I saw was rarely how people felt.
I needed to push myself harder because I needed to be honest with Naomi. Sooner rather than later. She deserved more. She deserved a friend who could tell her she was great to her face.
First, I wanted to feel stable, so I could explain why I’m not the person she befriended online.
My appointment with the team’s physical therapist seemed like a decent place to test the waters of honesty. Aden Martin was an ex-NHL player who had to end his career early because of a bike accident. He’d suffered a brain injury that left his doctors convinced he’d never walk again. Not only did he make a full recovery, but he went back to school to get his Master’s. And from what I gathered from his desk lined with family photos, he moved on to live the life he wanted. I still felt like mine was on pause. He was the perfect person who could tell me how to press play.
