“I promise, I want to say yes. It’s…” I sighed, considering my gut.
There was a conflict going on inside of me. I wanted him and fun and if heartbreak was at the end of that road well, c’est la vie. But the other half of me wanted to be careful. Proceed with caution because I still needed to learn so much about him.
One thing I could be sure of was Dakota wasn’t like Tyler. He wasn’t like any guy I’ve dated. Even if we didn’t end up together, I couldn’t see him purposely trying to break me into a million little pieces.
“It’s nothing,” I said. “I’ll be there.”
Chapter 24
“Doyouthinkthat’swise?” Mom asked in a tone that clearly indicated she already had an opinion on the matter. I imagined her perfectly plucked eyebrow tilt for a moment. Since we weren’t on video today, she probably took advantage of the luxury to close her eyes for a second to pray for more patience in dealing with me.
I’d made the mistake of trying to open up to her today. A mistake I hadn’t made since I moved to Westbrooke. I figured I was doing good making changes. There’d been no partying, no skipping classes, and — almost — no drinking. I felt healthy. In a better place than I’d ever been, especially when it came to dating. Leave it to my mom to burst my glowing bubble with a simple flat response.
“I don’t know.” I made a face in the mirror, scolding myself for being so damn uncertain when a minute ago I knew exactly what I wanted. “But you don’t think so?”
“You know what I think,” she said.
I could hear typing on the other end of the phone. Since getting her new job, Mom was constantly moving. If it wasn’t working, it was burning calories at the gym. In grade school, I had a sneaky suspicion she was part-robot. I even convinced Kai as much, and he became scared to death of her. The woman rarely slept though, so to this day I felt it an accurate assessment.
“He’s not worth it,” I voiced the words I’m sure she thought. I eyed my overnight bag. Maybe I should have had this conversation before packing? Or better yet not have answered the phone at all. My mom and I were trying to get to a better place, though. Back to where we were before our falling out. A falling out that began with her brushing off my break-up with a simple, “Well, what did you expect?”
After losing my friends in the shit show that was last year, I only had my family to count on for support. Kai did the best he could. He even offered to beat up Tyler, which went against his moral code but the sentiment wasn’t lost on me. I ultimately decided he didn’t deserve to ruin his reputation along with mine.
Our sister, Naia, was too busy on a research trip in Dubai to even answer a phone call without the line dropping. Eventually, she managed to send me a step-by-step, self-care guide she’d formulated for her own breakups. Naia had been cheated on twice, so she knew her way around the block.
Dad did what dads usually do, attempt to sit on the edge of my bed and listen to me cry. The awkward shoulder pats were a bit too much for me, so I sent him away after a few days with assurances he’d done enough.
None of their responses affected me like Mom’s because I’d anticipated her to have the most caring reaction. I expected she’d take me under her arm and let me cry until my head hurt. Instead, she made a flippant comment, and I responded with a snippy retort. Thus, began World War III.
My white flag had been these weekly phone calls. I answered and spoke to her in a calm voice even though the conversations usually got my blood boiling. I’m not sure what I’d done wrong to make Mom act so differently with me. When she spoke, I felt like one of her tech clients. Like she was doing her best to tell me, this was how things were going to be and there was nothing I could do to change it.
“What do you think?” Her voice was muffled for a bit as she put me on speaker.
“He’s different.” My voice sounded weak, even to my own ears. The observation wasn’t a lie. Unless Dakota was a master manipulator, he was unlike anyone I’ve ever met.
Mom sighed. “I recall you saying the same thing about the last one.”
I flopped down on my bed and stared up at the blue ceiling. The previous owners started to paint fluffy clouds against the blue. They’d only got three finished before abandoning the project. I played with the idea of finishing what they started but never found the time to go to the paint supply store.
“It was different last time,” I murmured.
“How so?” She was probably pinching the bridge of her nose in the space where her glasses left indents on her skin. I could imagine her massaging the space, trying to stave off the headache she got from talking to me.
“Because I’m different.” The statement didn’t sound as cheesy in my mind as it did out loud.
“Sweetheart,” she sighed. “It’s only been a year. How different can you be? You haven’t even spoken to your old friends.”
My jaw tightened. I took three calming breaths before saying, “I don’t need to talk to those assholes.”
“Emelia,” she warned. No matter how old I got, my church-going Mom didn’t tolerate a dirty mouth.
“Sorry. I meant to say, meanies. Better?”
“I don’t want you to swear but sounding like a third-grader isn’t exactly what I want either.” There was amusement in her tone. I smiled, glad she’d at least smiled once during this exchange.
“Horrible, snake-like people,” I told her, finally finding my happy medium. “There’s nothing to say.”
“Lizzy was your best friend for years, Emmy.”
