They nodded, following me to the living room while Nate continued to stoke Mom’s fire. I felt Leo’s eyes on me as we left. He didn’t seem to be too uncomfortable with the conversation. In high school, he’d been to enough family dinners to understand things didn’t always end in lollipops and rainbows under our roof.
“What are we in the mood for?” I asked, and the girls picked an old Barbie VHS. I slipped it into the player and turned the volume up loud enough to cloak the noise of the impending heated exchange.
“Remember, there are children here,” I warned, peeking my head back into the dining room. Mom waved at me dismissively, and Nate barely looked in my direction.
“They’re fine, Kira,” Dad said, sounding annoyed. “No need to baby them.”
I wanted to say something, indicating they still were babies compared to the rest of us. They deserved to at least have a peaceful night with ice cream and a movie that had a happy ending. Instead, I pushed away from the room and started up the stairs. I needed a break from them. My paper-thin patience for my family was getting weaker by the day. And the girls definitely didn’t deserve to hear their usually mild-mannered babysitter go on a loud, exhaustive rant on the merits of peace.
My room was right above the kitchen. The voices below could still be heard but were at least partially muffled. I let out a groan when I heard Dad join in the argument. My laptop was still open, with my script document on the screen. This felt like as good of a time as any to immerse myself in a fantasy of my making.
I was five pages into reading when I heard a knock on the door. Without looking up from my screen, I mumbled, “Come in,” thinking it was one of the girls ready to ask me to walk them home for the night.
“I narrowly escaped.” Leo joked as he carefully shut the door behind him.
My back straightened. I’d gotten in a comfortable position with my knees pulled to my chest. The flimsy shorts I’d changed into hung loosely around my ass, flashing more skin than I would like. With feet returned firmly to the ground, I tugged at my shorts for more coverage.
“I know the feeling.” I stood up from my desk chair because Leo, being in my room, felt formal for some reason. My eyes scanned the area for anything out of order. The space was spotless.
“Do you want to sit?” I gestured to the desk chair as I lowered myself onto the bed.
“Sure.” He nodded. Instead of taking the chair, he joined me on the bed. Leo sat a respectable distance away. Still, it felt intimate because of the soft sheets pressed against the back of my legs.
The amount of time I fantasized about him in this very spot was too many to count. An involuntary whine almost slipped my throat when I recalled my fantasies always began with normal conversations but never ended innocently.
“You wanted to talk?” I rubbed my arm in an attempt to comfort my inner cringing.
“To clear the air,” he explained with a half-smile. “I figured doing so in person would be better than texting. I wanted to make sure we’re on the same page. You know, so we can get back to working together.”
“Of course.” I nodded. My body felt a little numb when I noticed the warm look in his eyes. How had he gone from avoiding me to looking at me like I was something impressive? “We’re on the same page.”
“You sure? Because… I don’t know. You’ve been looking at me like you’re scared of me the entire night.”
I looked down at my hands for a moment. “I was observing our mutual agreement of space.”
“Right.” He didn’t sound convinced. “Kira, can you be honest with me for a second?”
“Of course.” I met his gaze. He leaned his hands back on the mattress. Leo’s ability to look comfortable in my bedroom sent my thoughts down a dirty path. I reeled myself in by leaning on an arm, too. Perhaps if I mirrored his stance, the confidence would follow.
“You really thought I didn’t notice you? Back when we were kids?”
I played it cool by keeping eye contact and giving him a half-shrug like I didn’t care. “You didn’t.”
He shook his head with a smile. “Wow.”
“What?” I frowned.
“And here I was thinking my feelings were obvious,” he mused, still watching me with those wonderful brown eyes that seemed determined to make me melt.
“We’re not on the same page anymore.” I pressed my lips together, trying to make sense of his words even though nothing fit together.
“I spent all of high school trying to not notice you, Kira.”
My stomach felt like I was dangling at the highest peak of a roller coaster. I scratched the back of my neck, trying to find something to do with my fidgety fingers.
“And, now I know I got real good at it,” he continued in a careful voice. “Because the crush I had… I hid it well.”
I let out a low laugh of disbelief. My face felt warm from the revelation that my childhood crush, at one point, liked me back. The feeling would have been far more exciting if it wasn’t book-ended with the fact that he’d used the word “had.” Past tense. Something gone before I even knew it existed.
“You hid it well.” I tried to sound agreeable and not disappointed. But I’m sure I looked like a frustrated person who missed the last bus home.
“Once we started hanging out this summer, I remembered how things used to be.” Leo blew out a tired breath. “Being that close to you in the pool made me wish I hadn’t been such a loser in high school.”
I tried to laugh but my nerves made it come out sounding like a heavy sigh. “Yeah, sure, sure.”
“You think I’m joking?” He raised a brow.
“No, it’s just when you say it like that…” I pulled my hair off of my neck. Suddenly, I felt like I was suffocating from the realization that Leo pushed me away along with his feelings years ago. “Well, you make it sound like you’re still not over your crush.”
Leo’s forehead wrinkled in complete confusion. “Who ever said I was over you?”
