Up until this point, the pick-ups we’d experienced were harmless and sometimes even fun. I’d been enjoying getting to meet new people and learning about their life on campus. Picking up Sara was a grim reminder of the reason we were out here. By the time we pulled up to her dorm, she was crying again. My heart squeezed. The only thing I could do was offer to walk her to her door and give her one of the cards for the counseling center.
“Hey,” Dakota said in a gentle voice when I returned to the cart.
I tried to smile but the curl of my lips didn’t feel right. “All set. You ready?”
“What’s wrong?” He didn’t even move to change the cart’s gear. The soft hum of the engine was almost drowned out by the rain.
I shook my head and did my best to keep eye contact as I said, “I’m good. A little shaken, but ready for our next adventure.”
My voice sounded weak even though I did my best to add some energy.
“You need a break,” he decided.
I shook my head and wiped some water from my shoulders. The pouring hadn’t let up for a second, and parts of me were soaked after my plastic poncho blew up in the wind. Dakota’s pants were pretty ruined too because of how many puddles we’d driven through. This side of campus had a serious flooding problem.
“Got a call while I was in there,” I told him. “Someone needs a ride from the library to the student center.”
Dakota took the walkie from me and told the dispatcher to send someone else. I opened my mouth to protest, but he spoke too fast for me to get a word in.
“We’re taking a break,” he insisted as he turned the engine back on. “Don’t argue with me, okay?”
I nodded and stay silent as he drove. In a few minutes, we were outside of the student-athlete training center. Dakota parked near the bike rack and removed his jacket before asking, “Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”
“Dakota —” I started.
“No, Emmy.” He turned off the cart and gave me his full attention. “I’m going to push more than I usually do because I think you need someone to. The look in your eyes, I’ve seen it before. I couldn’t put words to it because I didn’t know you well enough, but I know you better now. You’re hiding. You hate hiding, but you don’t know how to stop.”
My chest tightened at the surety in his words. No one ever fought this hard for me to share. No one ever cared this much to pay attention.
“I don’t know how to stop either.” Dakota brushed his hand across his cheek and glanced up at the building for a second. “Maybe we could learn together. Or I don’t know. We could just go up these stairs and dry off inside and go on pretending like we’re fine. That’d be easier, right? And that’s what you want. Easy. Simple.”
I stared at him, taking in the curve of his brow and the sharp angle of his tight jaw. He was giving me another chance to not pull away. Possibly my last.
“No.” I shook my head. “I thought I wanted simple and easy. I don’t think that’s what I want anymore.”
He nodded, eyes full of hope and trained on me. “Then, let me in, Emmy. I told you, it’s not going to hurt. I would never hurt you.”
“I know.”
My throat felt a little tight as I opened my mouth to share my truth and let myself take a risk.
Chapter 17
Dakotagavemeasecond as I gathered my thoughts. I took a heavy breath before diving in,
“That guy from the parking garage reminded me of my ex, Tyler.” I closed my eyes for a second as shame washed over me. “You remember that silly sign that got me kicked out of the stadium last year?”
“I do.” Dakota readjusted like he was going to place his arm behind my back but rested his chin in his hand instead.
“Originally, I thought I made that sign for Tyler. I wanted him to feel even the slightest bit of embarrassment about what he did to me. I wanted him to look up and realize not everyone around him would treat him with respect. But now, I think it was more for me. I wanted to be seen. It felt like everything he, Lizzy, and the rest of our friends did to me was in the shadows. No one outside of us knew and because they didn’t know meant what happened would fade away. Not from my memory, of course. But from the outside world. And disappearing didn’t seem fair. I understand nothing’s fair but damn, could it be for once? Could I force it to be?”
I took another deep breath before continuing, “That’s why I want to film this doc. I hate the idea of bad things fading away. And yeah, maybe just a handful of people will see it, but at least they listened. If I can capture stories on film, I extend their life, and that counts for something. At least, I need to believe it counts for something.”
When I paused this time, I noticed how quiet everything around us had become. The rain had slowed to a light trickle now. Since it was dark, not many people were walking around on campus.
“Sorry.” I became self-conscious about the fact that I’d been talking non-stop for the last five minutes. “I know I must sound so bitter and angry. Meeting Sara reminded me of who I was and how lonely life can get.”
“Don’t.” Dakota frowned, voice harder than I’d ever heard him emit. “Don’t be sorry. Or feel like you have to be or any of that polite bullshit.”
