“When did he tell you?” I was better now thanks to some help from our school’s guidance counselor during my senior year. But hell, people didn’t care about that. Once they knew something about you was different and strange, that’s all they saw.
“He was worried and asked my dad tons of questions about self-harm,” Leo explained in a slow, careful voice. “My dad’s a therapist, remember?”
“I remember.” I’d seen Mr. Salgado’s ads in the newspaper. He used the same marketing methods as I did for Anderson Lawn.
“He doesn’t know about you, Kira,” Leo insisted quickly. “Nate made it sound like he was the one with the problem. But, I never saw any marks on him, so my next best guess was you.”
I brushed some sand off my thigh, trying to distract myself from embarrassment. Looking at him straight on while talking about things I’d buried so deep within myself was painful.
“Kira,” he whispered, sitting up beside me. “You don’t have to be ashamed about it.”
“I’m…” I shook my head.
“I get it.”
“Stop.” I frowned. “Don’t try to sympathize with me. It feels patronizing.”
“It’s not sympathy, Kira,” he denied in a tone that sounded frustrated. “I get it. I… I told you I knew someone when I saved you, remember? This someone would hurt themself like you do.”
Did, I wanted to correct.Like I did. But the words wouldn’t come out.
“It wasn’t someone.” He cleared his throat. “It was me.”
I frowned, giving him my complete attention. Leo’s words were clean and crisp as he spoke. He barreled forward, trying to get out everything before he lost his confidence.
“I nearly drowned in the tide when I was a kid. I’d gone out there on purpose… Life at home wasn’t great. My brothers can be unrelenting with their bullying. And at ten, I was too small to fight back,” he explained.
“You shouldn’t have had to,” I assured. Sadness mixed with fury pooled in my stomach. I struggled to imagine siblings who didn’t root for each other.
“A lifeguard saved me and thought I should learn how to swim. Instead of telling him the truth, I took lessons. Eventually, I found out I was halfway decent and kept going because it was a good distraction.”
Leo glanced at me, trying to gauge my reaction. His fingers were tapping again. Two, one, three. Index, middle, pinky.
“I…This is…” he stammered, cheeks red. “This is my first time talking about this with someone.”
“You haven’t told anyone? Not even your dad?”
“I mean, someone in my everyday life. I had my therapist for a while. It’s difficult not to when you have one for a parent,” he said with a nervous laugh. “But like you, I want to keep some things in the summer’s past. So, outside of Dr. Henderson, no one knows.”
I didn’t know what to say, so instead of forcing anything; I stayed quiet. The waves in the background were loud. The noise made the conversation feel less heavy.
“I didn’t show up that summer because I knew you were dealing with stuff,” Leo finally spoke up. “And I was still dealing with stuff. The mix of it with teen angst wouldn’t have been great. Nate was right, it was simpler for both of us to stay away from each other.”
“You think he’s still right, even now?” I glanced at him.
He scratched his cheek. “I think, you and I could either be amazing or the toughest heartbreak either of us has ever experienced. I think we both feel a lot and that could be dangerous.”
My heart dropped at Leo’s words. He sounded so convinced.
“What do you think?” His eyes were on me now, more curious than ever.
I considered his question for a moment. “I’ve spent my whole life thinking. Honestly, I’m kind of tired of it. When I’m with you, I don’t do it as much. Not thinking is probably a bad thing, but it feels good. Sometimes, I’m even relieved.”
His eyes softened. “I’m glad to offer you some relief, Kira.”
“What about you? Have you been okay since we’ve been hanging out? Have my nerves triggered yours?” I chewed on my inner cheek, praying I didn’t do anything to hurt him.
Leo smiled. “You’ve been great.”
