“Listen, the truth is, you have kids—and they have always come first, as it should be,” Seraphina said. “Your assessment of Grady’s ability to provide a stable income for a family was not incorrect. We just didn’t know who he really was. You made a decision about him with the knowledge you had at the time. Now you know differently. It’s time to let him into your heart. And your life.”
“Agree. And that’s what you’re going to do,” Delphine said. “You’re going to put aside this ridiculous notion about going back to Seattle. You’ve fought too hard to make a good life for yourself.”
Gillian walked around the island to give me a hug. “We’re not trying to gang up on you. But, sweetie, you have to tell Grady you love him and have for years.”
“Robbie’s probably analyzed your compatibility,” Lila said, smiling.
“I don’t need a spreadsheet to see what’s between you,” Seraphina said.
“You two are meant to be,” Gillian said. “Just like Alex and me.”
“And Vance and Lila,” Delphine said.
I put up my hands, surrendering. “Fine. I’ll talk to him. Bare my soul. And hope he doesn’t think I’m a fortune hunter.”
For whatever reason, that made my friends laugh. But I couldn’t laugh. Not with this ache in my chest. Not when Grady was somewhere other than here where he belonged.
They were right. I had to find the courage to confess to the man I loved that I didn’t want to live without him.
Later,when we got back to the apartment, I put a sleeping Madison into bed, even though she hadn’t brushed her teeth or washed her face. All of that could wait until the morning for once. When I went back out to the living room, Robbie was at the sink, getting himself a glass of water. He hadn’t said a word on the drive home from Seraphina’s.
“Do you want to talk?” I asked.
“No, thank you, Mother. I’m going to bed now.”
“Okay, sleep well.” I didn’t try and hug him, as he didn’t like it, even though I wanted to in the very worst way. But I’d learned to meet my son where he was at, not where the rest of the world expected him to be. Anyway, to me, he was perfect.
“Thanks. You too.” He headed toward his room.
“Robbie, I’m sorry. About how often I’ve let you down.”
“You haven’t let me down. You’ve done everything for me and Madison, and you’re about to do it again, without thinking about whatyouwant and need. Moving away from your friends and Grady is a mistake, Mother. One I really hope you don’t make. Let yourself have something good. You’ve punished yourself enough. You make everyone’s life better—just by being you. Let someone make your life better.”
With that he went into his room and shut the door behind him.
Punished myself enough.Was that true? Had I been punishing myself for my failed marriage? Perhaps even for choosing Jeff in the first place? Was that why I was pushing Grady away? Was that why I’d denied my feelings for so long?
I didn’t feel good enough for Grady. And it only made it worse now that I knew who he really was, not to mention the kind of wealth that had come to him.
I sat in the living room, watching the lights of the street below make shadows on the walls. Thinking of leaving my friends and this town that had welcomed me in with such warmth all those years ago when I applied for a job in a flower shop six months pregnant. I’d felt from that first day that I belonged in Willet Cove. And then I’d met the other ladies on that fateful morning at the elementary school when Robbie was only five years old. I’d found my people that morning. They’d come through for me whenever I needed them. Yet, with every ask, a little piece of my soul withered into dust.
But to go back to Seattle? To my parents’ chilly critique of my life and my children? Leaving behind everyone I loved, other than my children? Was everyone right? Was I making a foolish mistake?
I picked up my phone as a photo of Madison and Grady flickered onto the screen. I’d taken it on one of our beach days. They’d made a large sandcastle, and I’d snapped the photo just as they were putting the finishing touch on their masterpiece, both of them grinning at the camera.
What had I said to him?We’re not your family. But it wasn’t true. He was my family, and I was his. Being apart from him made me lonelier than I’d ever been in my life.
Another photo appeared. This one was of the two of us last Christmas season, snuggled up on the couch with the twinkling lights of the tree behind us. He had his arm around me, and we had mugs of coffee in our hands, grinning as Madison took our picture. We looked like a couple. Two people who were comfortable together and made each other laugh—what could be better than that?
I scrolled through more photos on my phone, marveling at how many were of Grady with the kids.
Delphine was right. I needed to fix this.
16
GRADY
On Sunday afternoon, The Pelican was empty except for a few tables lingering after church and an old man in the corner booth eating clam chowder. I’d come in for lunch, needing somewhere to go where my thoughts were less loud. Unfortunately, even my favorite bar couldn’t keep my thoughts at bay.
