“I won’t ever stop. You’ve really made something of yourself, and I’m so proud of you.”
I shrug, wondering if she sees beyond the expensive haircut and clothing to what lies beneath. “It’s good to be home.” I wrap my arms around her, suddenly very aware that my body is trembling. Gesturing to the car, I pull away. “Lemme get Blue outta the back.”
She cracks a smile. “You still totin’ that old thing around? Don’t you have a million guitars at this point?”
I tug the door open with a smile, lifting the very first guitar I ever owned from the seat—the one Rhett bought for my sixteenth birthday way back in high school. Before my dreams had become reality. And definitely before everything fell apart.
Get yourself together, Noah. I exhale hard, then put my sunglasses on top of my head.No more hidin’.
“Come on now!” Mom takes one of my bags from the car then hands me the other before throwing an arm around my shoulder. She tugs me toward the house and leans in to put a noisy kiss on my cheek. As we begin to walk the distance to the porch, she shakes her head, laughing. “I don’t know what Sage has planned, but she asked me if she could quickly rearrange the furniture inthe den when she gets here. Any idea what that’s all about?”
“Nope.” I shrug. “You know Sage. She loves a good surprise, so she kept me in the dark about whatever she’s got up her sleeve.”
“Okay, well, let’s get your things inside and let you get settled into your room. I’m so excited you decided to stay here.”
I squeeze her to me. “I just missed you and Daddy and figured it’d be good for me.” There’s no way I could ever tell them the real reason I’m not staying at Sage’s as planned. They thought the world of Rhett… and it wouldn’t be fair to lay my mess at their feet. Besides, I wouldn’t know what to say about any of it. Not the argument. Not the insanity of the kiss. And definitely not the ocean of regret I’m currently drowning in.
She nods. “It’ll be good for us, too. We’ve missed you.” We climb the porch steps arm in arm, and the moment I cross the threshold, I draw in a deep breath. There wasn’t a day that went by that my heart didn’t yearn to be back here. Picking up my suitcase, I gesture to the stairs. “I’m just going to unpack.”
“Noah.” My mother draws my attention, and I pause, glancing over my shoulder. Her eyes soften. “I’m glad you and Sage are still so close. I’m looking forward to seeing her today.” As she finishes, her voice is wistful. “That girl sure has been through a lot this year.”
“I know, Mama.” Unsure which details my mother is aware of, I stop there. Sage’s business is her own, and she’s only given me the CliffsNotes version, anyway. Kade had been with her when she came to visit me, so we hadn’t had the time to get into it. I’ll have to make the most of today with her and steal whatever moments we can during dress shopping tomorrow. Maybe we’ll get a chance to talk—both for her sakeandfor mine. After last night, she’s itching to get the lowdown on what went on between me and Rhett outside Boozin’ Boots. By the time Kade had driven us back to Lilac Meadows, I needed to decompress.
I shoot my mother a tight yet happy smile, then heft my bag onto my shoulder, and proceed to the second floor to my childhood bedroom. At the threshold, I suck in a breath as my eyes drift over familiar belongings. The entire room is decorated in shades of purple, and an explosion of teenage memorabilia.
Everything is right where it was when I took off to California—favorite books, a vase full of dried flowers, and other mementos that’d been important to my younger self. My gaze shifts to a wall plastered with all the photos I couldn’t bear to take when I left, knowing they would keep me living in the past. They would have been a reminder of what—and who—I was leaving behind. Studying everything now is like opening a time capsule, or maybe more like agonizing over an old scar.
With my breath hitching, I press my lips together, eyes scanning over one image after another: a family trip to see Old Faithful, too many birthday celebrations to count, my cheerleading days, and middle school dances. A pang of longing for simpler times twists in my chest as I complete the tour of my past. I tilt my head to the side, studying a photo of Sage and me, then one of my prize-winning lamb from a 4H competition. Graduation. And most painfully… reminders of Rhett and me. More images than I can handle.
I’m caught up in a whirlwind of memories so hazy and surreal they make my heart twinge with regret. At the very center of it all, there’s a selfie of the two of us looking so in love, I can’t catch my breath. We took it the day he proposed. The day I promised to be his everything. And at the time, I meant it.
I was happy once. Before I chose Rhett’s happiness over my own.
Every photograph taped to this wall, I’ve stared at for hours and days on end, imagining our future together. Yet here I stand, bleeding at the reminder of every last thing I left behind. One thing is perfectly clear: The consequences of past decisions will always have the power to hurt me.
I never should have looked, never should have forced myself down memory lane. My jaw clenches, and I reach out, snatching one of the photos off the wall. Tears well,the ache inside my heart worsening. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tear it clean in two.Dammit.
At the sound of footsteps on the hardwood floor outside the door I left open, I quickly swallow down the rogue emotion I never wanted to feel again.
I miss Rhett. The reality is… I love him now. I’ll love him always.
From the moment I returned to Black River, I’ve been confronted by everything I wanted but left in the dust. Rhett thinks I just left him… but there’s more to it than that.
I thought going to LA on my own was the right decision, that I was protecting him from being forced to choose. He doesn’t see it the same way. But losing him left a gaping wound I’m terrified won’t ever close.
I’ve seldom seen Rhett so fucking angry. Never has he looked at me the way he did last night. Whirling around, I drag a breath into my lungs.
“Noah?” My mother’s voice is soft. Questioning.
My eyes burn until I can hardly see in front of me. With a sniffle, I rub a hand over my face. “Yeah. Sorry. I didn’t hear you come upstairs.”
She’s quiet for a moment, but then murmurs cautiously, “Do you want to talk about it?”
I quickly shake my head and force a smile to my lips. “No. That’s okay.”
She gathers me into the fiercest of hugs. “I’m your mother. You can tell me anything. No judgment.”
“I’m fine. Promise.” But I can’t stop a tear from slipping down my cheek. Easing back, she searches my eyes, and I know she’d be aware coming home isn’t easy.Fuck it.
