That’s the part that guts me. I didn’t just like it. Icravedit. I wanted her mouth on mine, her fingers in my hair, her body pressed up against me like we still belong to each other.
But she’s someone else’s now. And I still fucking kissed her.
I slam my fist into the wall. Again. And again. Until the drywall caves. Until blood paints my knuckles. Until Pap’s voice resounds in my head. “You ever seen a bull charge a barbed wire fence, boy? It doesn’t end well for the bull… or the fence.”
Guess I’m the bull.
The studio’s a war zone now. The console’s sideways. The soundboard’s dented. Instruments, glass, wood—all of it wrecked.
Dropping to my knees, I slump back against the wall, and tighten my grip on the bottle.
She never saw this place. Never heard the way it echoed with her name. Never got to play the songs I built this room to hold.
It was supposed to be a wedding gift—a house for the family we wanted.
I would’ve gone with her, after Pap died… after everything. I would’ve left it all. I was ready.
But she chosethispath for me.
And I’ve been rotting in that choice ever since.
I curl forward, bringing my legs to my chest anddropping my forehead to my knees. My heart pounds like it’s trying to break free, and right now, I hope it does. It’s not worth a damn to me.
Somewhere in the bourbon fog, I hear her. Laughing. Singing. Whispering my name like a vow, like a curse, like a goodbye.
I reach for her.
But there’s nothing here.
Just the dark. Just the ruin. Just me and this fucking bottle.
And when it runs dry and my fists stop bleeding, I let the black take me.
Because I’ve got nothing left to feel. And no one left to feel it for.
NOAH
5
Being backin my hometown has my head spinning. I’d intended to stay with Sage, but there’s no way that’s happening now. That plan is all fucked because I’d tossed and turned after what went down with Rhett. I can’t be at Lilac Meadows. It’s simply too close to Rhett’s family ranch for comfort. The idea that he’s right next door, that I can spot their roof from Sage’s guest room…no. I simply can’t. It’s not happening.
So this morning, I called my mom and asked if I could stay with them instead. I felt bad at first, but Sage actually encouraged it when she saw the state I was in. Letting out a ragged sigh, I pull to a stop in my parents’ driveway. Through the open car window, I breathe in the familiar perfume of my mother’s prize peonies and Dad’s freshly cut lawn. Instant calm settles the anxiety and smothers the regrets of my past.
I told myself that leaving the life I had behind would be worth it when the music venues filled to capacity. But I was wrong, I miss this place.
Heaving out a heavy breath, I glance in the rearview at the reflection of the woman I’ve become. The country music star. The one everyone wants a piece of. I always thought this was what I wanted—this was my dream. But has it been worth it? That’s the question I only dare ask myself late at night, in the privacy of my own mind. And even then, I try not to dwell on it too much because I’m scared as shit of the answers I’ll find.
As I step from my Mercedes, a ray of sun hits my ring, making it sparkle in the bright light. Time to plaster a smile on my face. I can’t let on that my life is anything but perfect. My heart stutters, skipping a beat. Every time I think about Bradley, those fucking wedding bells toll so loudly in my head that I wonder if they aren’t issuing me a warning—urging me to pay attention.
My career and my fiancé are waiting for me back in LA. And Rhett—as much as it’s a bitter pill to swallow—has moved on. It’s my fault. I never wanted to be the girl who gave up her dreams for a man. So, to prove a point to myself that I could have it all, I chased the high. But then, things took an unexpected turn, and I’m out of fucking options. Follow through or lose the only thing I have left.
At first, pride kept me from running back home withmy tail between my legs, begging forgiveness from those I left behind. And now, contracts bind me to a man who has attached himself to my public image to boost his already-inflated ego. I’m at the height of my career, but I’ve barely seen a dime. If I’d had any sense, I wouldn’t have gotten myself into this mess.
On top of those worries, the harsh words I exchanged with Rhett last night have opened a wound I thought I’d sewn shut long ago. Turns out, I had only put a Band-Aid on a bullet hole. It’d taken a mere look. A touch. The familiar taste of him… and all the feelings I thought I’d abandoned came racing back, nearly knocking me on my ass. My head is a mixed-up mess. I shouldn’t have let that happen, should have known better.
Hot tears sting the back of my eyes. I’ve been over every last detail of what transpired with Rhett… and only one thought has been playing in my head on a never-ending loop.What the fuck have I done?Before I completely unravel, the front door of my parents’ home bangs open, and my mother hurries onto the porch, then races down the steps to greet me. She throws her arms wide, looking me up and down. “Noah, you’re a sight for sore eyes. How’s my beautiful girl?” She touches a hand to my wavy tresses, then the other to my cheek as she looks me over.
“Stop, Mama,” I breathe out. Being in her comforting presence again is too much, and for a splitsecond, my smile slips. I’m glad I still have sunglasses on, but I don’t know whether I’m more concerned about disguising the hangover I’m rocking or hiding everything else that’s weighing on me.
