“Damn it.” He struggles to stay calm, like hearing this wasn’t what he expected. “You have to believe me that I don’t want this. You are the woman by whom everyone else is measured. The bar. You’re the fucking bar, Doc.” He narrows his eyes as if it’s going to help deliver his words to my heart.
“Look into my eyes.” I stand still, holding my place until his eyes meet mine. “You’re going to leave in a moment, and I want you to remember what you see.” My bottom lip quivers, but I will not let myself sob. “What you see isn’t regret. It’s disappointment.”
He reaches for me, his eyes filled with tears.
“Go.” I step away from him far enough that he can’t grab me. “Leave.”
“Can I …” He sighs. “No. No, I can’t. I did this. But I don’t deserve you to hate me. I don’twantyou to hate me.”
I laugh sadly. “Yeah, well, you hesitated. Now you’re getting hit in the face.”
I turn away from him, so he doesn’t see me break down, and run to my bedroom down the hall.
He doesn’t follow.
He probably doesn’t even look back.
I don’t know why I ever expected anything different.
Whimsy List: Updated
Have a one-night stand.
ORGASM! (with a man)
Wear a bold lipstick.
Buy more lingerie (and wear it often).
Stop being sweet.
Learn to flirt.
Take a self-defense class.
Get a tattoo.
Sleep in the dark without being scared.
Cut my hair.
Learn to be okay if others are disappointed (even if it’s in me).
Eat alone in public.
Do something spontaneous.
Make Anna proud.
Learn how to give a blow job.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SEVEN
Audrey
At least the tears have stopped.
