“Do you know what?” I ask. “You need to look me in the eye when you’re speaking to me, and you need to tell me exactly what’s going on. You know, since you loveexactnessso much.”
“Motherfucker,” he growls, running his hands through his hair.
The longer I face him, the angrier I become.“Say it.’
“I have loved spending time with you,” he says, moving toward me as if he’s desperate for me to believe him. “On my life, it was the best few days of my life.” He shakes his head, squeezing his eyes closed. “We aren’t going to work out.”
His eyes fly open and find mine, searching for signs of the pain ripping me into shreds.
“This is so unfair,” I say, stepping away from him. “Stay over there.”
He grits his teeth together, but retreats to the other side of the table.
I stand like a fool just staring at him, trying to put puzzle pieces together that don’t match—trying to match up the man I woke up next to yesterday to this cold, sanitized version that makes no sense.
“Please don’t take this the wrong way,” he says, the words nearly a plea. “This isn’t about you. I just … I told you while we were sitting at this table that you were the kind of girl who levels my world, and I’m the kind of guy who decimates yours.”
“Oh,” I say, pretending to go along with his theory. “You’re right, you did say that. My bad. This is just you making sure you follow through, right?”
“No.”
My blood speeds through my veins, and a burst of energy surges along with it. “Okay. So, next you’re going to say that I should’ve seen this coming, right? Because you don’t give a crap what other people think about you.”
“No. Stop it.”
“I’m not going to stop it,” I say, my voice rising so quickly that it makes me jump. “You are full of crap right now. You’re backing out of this, whatever it was going to be, and you want to dust your hands off and sayI told you so.” I narrow my eyes. “That’s not fair, and it’s also childish.”
His shoulders droop, and I can see flashes of pain striking across his eyes. I want to leap across this room at him, pull him into my arms and hold him as tightly as he’s held me. But he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want me. After everything we shared and explored, he’s saying no.
Bullshit.
“I’ve never been shy about telling you that I can’t give you stability,” he says, talking fast. “And we agreed to no expectations. Remember?”
I pace in a circle, thinking surprisingly clearly despite the mist covering my eyes.
“What were you doing?” I ask. “Tricking me? Playing me? Just wanted a pathetic girl who’d let you fuck her for a few days.”
“Stop it right fucking now.” His eyes blaze. “I mean it. Don’t go there.”
“I won’t, because I don’t believe that’s true. I’m not pathetic. I’m not blissfully naïve or desperate.” I face him head-on. “I’m a good person who was honest with you. Who trusted you. And if anyone should feel pathetic,it’s you.”
His face softens, and I think he might smile, but he doesn’t. And that doesn’t make any sense either. None of it does.
The typical bright green irises that shine back at me are cloudy. And the lipsnormallyready to plant kisses over every nook and cranny of my body are pressed into a tight, thin line.
“Drew called me last night and apologized for the things he said about you and how he spoke to me,” I say, swallowing an all-out sob. “And you come in here and tell me we’re not going to work. Yes, we hadn’t put a label on what we have together, and I’m not suggesting that we’re a couple. It’s too soon for that. But I had thought you wanted to maybe … try. With me. I also thought you were one of the few good men left with values and a heart that loves. But you proved me wrong.”
I throw my hands up in frustration.
I thought I’d go to Boston feeling stronger about myself. And I can still do that because Brooks woke up a sexual and emotional side of myself, I’d always shied away from to be “good.”
But this?I wasn’t ready for this. He’s not even willing to give us a go. A try. I need to accept that, even if it hurts. Even if I thought our fling might possibly lead to more.
Tears fall freely down my cheeks, landing on my chest and sliding down my cleavage where his hands were supposed to be. Splinters dig into the cavity where my heart used to live before it was smashed by the one man who I thought was going to be different.
But this isn’t my fault. I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not because I’m too “sweet.” It’s about him. So, this is where I bring out the new Audrey who can stand up for herself. Who can use her voice.Who is not just sweet and amenable.
“You’ll regret this,” I say, my voice clogged with unshed tears. “And, when you do, remember that someone hurt you. But that someone wasn’t me.”
