He takes a deep breath in preparation for his explanation. I’m scared to hope it’s going to be something that thrills me, and terrified that it’ll be something that hurts me. He has the power to do both.And yet I don’t believe he’s cruel enough to do the latter.
“I had something happen not long ago, something I’ll tell you about later, just not tonight,” he says. “And it was easily the worst predicament I’ve ever found myself in, and that’s saying a lot.”
I fight a smile, but it’s futile.
“There has been a lot of introspection done in the last couple of days,” he says. “I also took a call from your friend Gianna, who threatened me within an inch of my life.”
“She did?”
“She sure as fuck did.” He chuckles, shifting his feet. “Listen, I want you to know that I listened to you. I heard what you said. And I’ve thought about everything you shared with me, the advice you gave me, and I’ve taken a good, hard look at my life.”
I nod, not sure what to say. And grabbing hold and shaking the answer out of him doesn’t seem very effective, but I’m dying to know what he means. I’m desperate to know what would be so important to show up here on a night he should be across the country and apologize.
“Before you came into my life, Iwasstill living in the past,” he says. “I think it was probably a self-imposed punishment of some sort, but I’d deemed it asfine. I didn’t know any better. I never let anyone close enough to me to show me any differently. I didn’t feel I deserved any better.” He inhales as a soft smile just for me settles on his face. “And then here you come with your pink ribbon and sewing kit, ready to make a mess of me.”
“What are you saying?” My heart is thundering. This is excruciating. “I’m happy that you’re going to stop punishing yourself, but why come all the way here and tell me this?”
He reaches for my hand, and I don’t decide. My palm just extends to his. The contact is almost too much, too personal—too much of a reminder of the few days where things were perfect.
“I retired from the NAFL today,” he says.
“What?” I gasp, my eyes widening. “Why did you do that?”
“I had to let it go.” He rubs the top of my hand with his thumb. “The fighting, the backstabbing, and the politics of it all aren’t for me. I lived in that world for far too long. It was the closest world I could find that was like the one my dad lived in, I guess. And I hustled, and I sacrificed myself for it … and I almost sacrificed you, too.” He comes closer, twisting our fingers together and bringing them to his lips. “You, Dr. Van, showed me what life could look like if I just … let go.”
My head spins, and I take his other hand to steady me.
“Will you accept my apology for walking out on you a couple of days ago?” he asks. “I’m sick over it. I keep seeing your eyes filled with such sadness and pain.Then, it just reinforced what I already thought.Now?I think it was the most idiotic thing I’ve ever done in my life, and that’s saying something.”
His words are music to my ears. I don’t know what they mean in the long run, and I’m afraid to read into them, but they’re beautiful all the same.
“Of course, I accept your apology,” I say, my chest burning with the heat of a thousand suns. “But you could’ve called. You didn’t have to come all the way here.”
“Yeah, I did. I had to look you in the eye like a man and take responsibility for my mistake. To apologize to your face for hurting you, something I never wanted to do. And I had to see for myself that you’re okay.”
I let go of his hands and take a breath. “I am okay. I couldn’t make your behavior make sense. That was the worst of it. I thought we had something with legs, something that I’ve never felt with anyone else, and I really, truly thought you felt that, too.”
“I do. I really fucking do. And one day I will explain all of this—not as an excuse, but for context. But I promise you that as long as we’re together, in whatever way you want to be, I won’t allow anything to come between us.”
A swell of warmth floods my body, causing my cheeks to match my dress. This is the Brooks I fell for. This is the man I thought I knew.
“Look,” he says, smirking. “I’m unemployed now. I’m renting a house from the mayor of this little town in Tennessee.”
I laugh.
“I have a cat who screams for hot dogs, apparently.” He melts me with his smile as he comes to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I don’t know what the future looks like, but I know I’m in a rebuilding stage. And I’d really, really like to see if we can build something together.”
Our mouths find each other gently, at first. He kisses me softly, carefully, like he’s testing the waters to see if this moment is real.
I smile against him, unable to stop the giggle of relief. His forehead rests against mine as he releases a shaky breath mixed with a chuckle. His hand slides to the back of my neck, tilting my face so he can see in my eyes.
“Let’s label this,” he says. “Me and you. Let’s put a name on it.”
“What do you want to call us?”
His smile is simple and perfect, and it fills me with a peace I can’t explain.
“I don’t know what the future looks like, but I know I’m in a rebuilding stage. And I’d really, really like to see if we can build something together.”
