I’ve been too focused on my loss—the truth, the opportunity to celebrate Anna, to know where she rests. I’ve been too focused on how I believed it made Mom more judgmental, overbearing, and expectant. But maybe I misconstrued all of that. Maybe she wasn’t trying to keep me small. Maybe she was just trying to keep … me.
Losing my sister had to have broken a piece ofherheart, and maybe every milestone I reached reminded her that Anna never would. Maybe every report card, ballet recital, and family vacation triggered her to remember, in a beautiful, vicious cycle, that she’s just fighting to survive.
Isn’t that what everyone is doing? Just trying to survive?
I thought Jessica Van was the queen of control, but maybe she needed that control to feel safe in her own life. Her own skin. Her own heart. Maybe she thought that if she loosened her grip, even for a moment, that she might lose me all the way.
Mom didn’t love me less. She probably loves me too much.
That doesn’t solve all my frustrations with her, because I’m only a human, but it does put things in a new frame—and I can work with that.
I blow out a breath and turn to grab my purse when my attention lands on the sheets bundled in a heap in the middle of the bed. It’s not the nicest bed I’ve ever slept in, nor the most comfortable, and I have bags under my eyes today. But when I moved from the balcony to the bed and turned off the lights, I climbed under the sheets in the dark and eventually fell asleep. I was either too tired to worry about the monsters, or I realized that monsters exist even in the light. I might as well get some rest.
A knock raps against the door a whole fifteen minutes early. Earlyanddoor-to-car service?Gosh. What is Mom paying these people?
“Just a moment, please,” I say, giving myself a final once-over. Aside from slightly swollen eyes, I look fine. I’d look better with a smile, but we can’t have it all. And if someone tells me to smile tonight, I’m going to show them what I learned in my single self-defense class.
“I wish you could see yourself as I see you. You’d walk into every room with your head held high and not give a damn about what anyone thought about you—because you’d know you were everything.”
Brooks’s words bring the slightest grin to my lips as I toss my gloss and phone into my purse. “Okay. Here we go. I’ve got this.” Then I head for the door.
“I apologize for keeping you …waiting.” My hand flies to my mouth as I look into this man’s eyes—beautiful, brilliant chips of jade staring back at me.He’s here?
Brooks stands in the hallway, wearing black pants and a crisp white shirt. His jaw is covered with stubble, and his hair is wild yet so perfectly him. My fingers burn to roam through his hair, and my palms itch to scrape over his jaw.
But I don’t touch him. I don’t even know why he’s here.
“Hey,” he says, his voice rough like he, too, hasn’t slept well.
“What are you doing here?”
He shrugs as if no words will make it clear, like it’s a feeling more than a sentence. Still, he tries. “I’m sorry.”
Two words that I didn’t need to hear but pummel me all the same. I try to catch my breath, to process the moment, but it’s too big and beautiful to handle.
“You’re gorgeous,” he says softly. “Wow, Doc.”
Tears threaten to ruin my makeup.Doc.I never realized how much I loved his silly nickname for me until now.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in Las Vegas today?” I ask, sniffling.Don’t cry, Audrey.
He nods. “I was. It’s kind of a long story.”
“Why are youhere?”
He gives me a lopsided grin. “Short answer? Because you are.”
I bite my lip to keep from crying. It’s getting harder by the minute.
“Long answer?” He shrugs. “Because you were right.”
“What about?”
“A lot, really. But you were completely correct when you told me that I needed to let the past go.”
Oh. I step out of the doorway and offer him to come inside. The relief on his handsome face is evident, his nerves palpable. It would be endearing if I knew for sure what prompted this visit.
“I have Dad’s party tonight, and a car will be arriving to pick me up at any second,” I say. “So, can you please cut to the chase?”
