We finally break apart, Jay and Shelly watching us with puffy eyes. I’m thankful that both of us have partners who understand how much this means. I know little about Shelly, but I get the feeling she’s a driving force in my brother’s life.
Settling back into our seats, I say to James, “I hate talking about Luke without him here, but he doesn’t seem to offer much. How’s he doing?”
James loudly exhales. “He’s not good. This whole thing with Dad has fucked with my head, but it’s nothing compared to what it’s doing to Luke.”
“How so?”
The Luke I remember was quiet and reserved, so his behavior since he arrived hasn’t completely surprised me. I thought it was just his personality. But maybe it’s more than that.
“You need to understand,” James says. “Luke has let Dad dictate everything in his life, including where he’s going to school, his major, his career path—everything. I’ve asked him so many times why he does that, but he’ll never give me a straight answer.”
Shelly adds, “I’ve gotten to know him over the last week. We hadn’t spent much time together until now, but I’m starting to understand him, I think.”
James beams at what she says.
“Shell is really good at helping people open up. It comes naturally to her. It’s why she’s majoring in social work,” he says, pride dripping from every word.
She smiles at him, clasping his hand and gazing at him with heart eyes. It’s sweet.
“From some things he’s told me, which I will not share,” she says, pointing a finger at James as if they’ve talked about this before, “he’s been driven by fear for a very long time. And fear can be a powerful motivator that can choke the life out of you.”
I’m all too familiar with that feeling. Fear kept me from reaching out to my brothers for years—fear of the unknown, of rejection, and what my father might do if I tried. His influence is extensive, and I lacked the support I needed to face him. But I have that now.
James adds, his voice strained. “When we walked in on Dad with a woman in his office, something in Luke shattered. I’ve never seen him like this.” He drags a hand over his face.
“And it’s not just the cheating.” His jaw tightens. “The woman, Amanda, is part of the college ministry Luke leads at church. A few weeks ago, Luke went to Dad for advice because she was struggling. Dad told him he’d help…get her support.”
James’s voice cracks. “Then we walked in and found him with her. It’s so fucked up.”
My stomach turns. This whole situation gets worse by the minute. I assumed he was having an affair with a woman of his own age, not a vulnerable girl in college whom he took advantage of.
“Is there anything we can do to help Luke?” Jay asks, his voice gentle but steady.
My man always leads with compassion, and I feel a swell of gratitude just hearing the question. I squeeze his hand, silently thanking him.
James sighs. “I honestly don’t know. After we caught Dad with Amanda, Luke word-vomited everything in the heat of the moment. But since then, he’s shut down.” Exhaustion spreads across his face. “Shell has an idea, though.”
Shelly leans forward. “My uncle runs a retreat center in upstate New York. The center specializes in helping people dealing with religious trauma and deconstructing. It’s a very supportive environment.”
That’s not a phrase I’m familiar with, deconstructing. I’ll have to ask about that later.
“Do you think Luke would even consider it?” I ask, just as the front door slams shut.
I hadn’t heard it open.
“Consider what?” Luke says sharply from the entryway, a look of dread on his face.
He must have caught the tail end of our conversation.
James stands and takes a cautious step toward him. “Hey…Shell was suggesting it might be good for you to go to the retreat center her uncle Simon runs. I think you might need some help.”
Luke shifts awkwardly, tugging at the hem of his shirt. “Look, I know I’m not handling this very well. But do you really think going to some hippie spiritual retreat is the best place for me?”
Shelly walks slowly over to him, her voice gentle. “Sweetie, it’s not like that. It’s a safe space to ask hard questions without getting a prepackaged answer. Simon used to be a priest. He got into it for all the wrong reasons, trying to be something he wasn’t, and he finally realized that and left. He knows what it’s like to question everything. That’s why he started the retreat.”
Luke looks down, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’ll think about it.”
Sensing this is too much for him, I steer the conversation to safer ground.
