“I think so,” I say, taking the beer and threading my fingers through his.
I lead us to the couch and sink into his arms, needing the comfort of his body against mine.
“That was much heavier than I expected. God, my father is such a selfish bastard.”
I’ve been twisted in knots since I got the call from James. I dealt with my feelings about my father a long time ago, and I don’t want to dwell on them any longer than I need to. He was never truly a dad to me at any point in my life.
What truly eats at me are the years we lost because of him and his self-righteous narcissism. The relationships I could have had withmy brothers all this time, the lies they were forced to believe, and the fear they lived with because of his control and manipulation.
I almost feel guilty for getting out from under it and leaving them behind. I’ve lived freely, confident in who I am, but they haven’t had that, and I never even considered that as a possibility.
My head leans on Jay’s shoulder as he gently strokes my hair, lost in my thoughts. Usually, I’m the one offering him comfort, being the steady support. But right now, I need to get out of my head and let him comfort me.
Straddling his lap, I press my entire body against him, holding on as if I were a man lost at sea clutching a lifeboat. Jay’s arms wrap around me as he showers me with soft kisses, whispering gently in my ear.
“It’s okay…I’m here…I love you.”
We stay that way for God knows how long, tangled up together. Jay is my person. Being with him makes me feel safe in a way I never thought I would. No matter how messy this gets, if I have him, I know I’ll be okay.
Eventually, there’s a knock at the door.
“It’s open,” I call, sliding off Jay’s lap and nestling into his side, not ready to let him go just yet.
James and Shelly step inside, their hands clasped and faces soft with affection.
“Sorry to interrupt,” James says. “You two look cozy.”
I pull myself away from Jay and stand up.
“No need to apologize. We just needed time together to decompress.”
“Oh, trust me, we get it,” Shelly says with a grin, leaning into James and kissing his cheek. “Jimmy and I are the same way.”
It throws me a little to hear him called Jimmy. I’ve never heard anyone call him that before. Our father was a stickler for full names and didn’t allow nicknames in the house. It’s ironic how the man who goes by Reg insisted everyone else follow the rules. Maybe I’ll start calling him Jimmy, too.
“Where’s Luke?” I ask, wondering why he didn’t come over with them.
“He’s taking a nap,” James replies. “He needed it. I actually wanted to talk to you without him around.”
I get up and head to the kitchen to grab some beers for everyone. Handing them out, we all settle into our seats in the living room. Jay slides close to me and takes my hand, a quiet show of support.
“You know Luke and I have always been close, being twins,” James begins, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees.
“But over the last few years, especially after we went to different colleges, there’s been this growing divide between us. I started questioning everything. But Luke, he won’t question a thing. I’ve watched him kill himself trying to be so perfect. I’ve never really understood it.”
He glances at Shelly, then back at me. “Until I went to Buffalo, I didn’t realize how sheltered we were growing up. Not just sheltered, but isolated in a twisted Christian bubble. We were taught only one way to think and believe, and if you didn’t fit into that box, there was something wrong with you. Something to be fixed.”
I nod, remembering what that world was like. How it felt to realize I was different and didn’t fit the expected mold. The one thing that kept me grounded during those years was Jay. We were the same, and we had each other, until we didn’t.
James continues. “I’ve met so many people who are different from me, and my world cracked open. They’ve helped me see things in ways I didn’t know were possible.”
I smile. “It’s amazing how that can happen when you open yourself up to more.”
He looks at me, piercing me with a dead serious look. “I want you to know, all I care about is that you’re my brother, and I want you in my life.”
We’re both on our feet, wrapping each other in a fierce hug, tears freely flowing down our faces.
This is more than I ever dared to dream of. Not only did I find the love of my life again and start building a future together, but I also got my family back. There are still challenging hills to climb and battles to fight, but my tribe keeps growing, and I feel like we can face anything as long as we have each other.
