I think about that for a moment, trying to figure it out. “When Ray invited other people into our relationship, I honestly didn’t care. I ended up being okay with it. But with Aiden, I don’t think I could do that. I would want him only for myself, but how can I ask that of him, when it’s his livelihood?”
“Jay, navigating limits and boundaries in any relationship is important. Don’t compromise what’s a hard limit for you to make someone else happy, whether it’s with Aiden or anyone else. If the time comes for you to have this conversation, you need to be honest.”
I exhale. “I know, but it doesn’t matter, anyway. I’m not ready. I obviously need more time.”
Cynthia’s voice is gentle yet firm. “I agree it’s a little early to jump into a relationship, but it’s good to think about these things now, so when you are ready, you’ll be prepared.”
“Thank you. I needed to hear that.”
She studies me for a moment. “Today was a lot. Are you doing okay?”
“I think so. I just wish I could speed things along.”
She gives a knowing smile. “You’re doing great. Just remember, slow and steady wins the race.”
We walk through my coping exercises and anxiety tools, then she asks how I feel about returning to work.
“My house is for sale, and I’ve moved into an apartment, but I’m bored. I think I’m ready to go back to work.”
“If you feel you’re ready, I think the routine will be good for you,” she says.
Our session ends, and I walk out steadier than when I went in.
In the lobby, I turn off Do Not Disturb on my phone and find a text waiting for me.
Aiden: Hey, I hope your session went well today. I’ll be there next week. I’ve got something I want to show you.
A thrill shoots through me. It’s been way too long since I’ve seen him, and even though we talk all the time, having him here in person excites me more than I should let it.
Jay: That’s great! When are you coming? What do you want to show me?
Aiden: I arrive Monday night. I’ll be there through the weekend. Can I crash in your spare room?
Jay: Of course. I can’t wait to see you!
Aiden: Me too!
He doesn’t say why he’s coming, which is classic Aiden. He loves surprises, even though I hate them, and he knows it.
Part of me is desperate to know. The other part is already counting down the hours. I was planning to go back to work early, but I decide to push it back a week so I can spend more time with him while he’s here.
Seeing him is exactly what I need right now.
Chapter 16
Aiden
Landing in Portland, I grab my rental car and drive straight to Jay’s apartment. It’s been months since I last saw him, and I can’t wait to wrap him in a hug. I’ve missed him more than I want to admit.
I’m a nervous wreck when I knock on his door. I have to breathe deep and steady my hands because one impulsive kiss could disintegrate the keep-him-in-the-friend-zone stance I keep reminding myself I have to stick with.
Jay’s face lights up when he opens the door.
“Hey, you made it.”
“Hey,” I say, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him tightly.
I inhale the familiar, clean scent of his hair for just a moment, then reluctantly let him go. Seeing him without the dark bruises is such a relief. I watched them fade during our video calls, but seeing him up close, looking whole on the surface, loosens something inside me.
